What I learn 'Allah's Green creations'

Nothing much to say.. but lots of photos of our novice efforts in the lawn. We believe flowers and tended garden adds 'shimmers and shine' to the house. May Allah counts our efforts in caring for His creations (as well as being responsible tenants to our landlord! Hope they are happy (and wont increase the rent!) =D)

Mini roses, given FOC by a local nursery after the bad monsoon season last Dec.

A full bloom, also given by Zie's Nursery (12.2011)

Pluck it and stick them in the pot..

Blooms from 9am-12pm daily.

Non-stop action since we bought them (032009)

Pretty bunch of 'bunga tahi ayam'! (rabbits dislike them!)

Daun kesum or Vietnamese cilantro/mint (regularly snipped. Wash and keep them in the freezer.) - One of the most popular items in the garden, neighbours will come in and pluck some for their singgang.

Turmeric in a pot! (Look at the sizes of the leaves... lovely in rendang!) - it started as a tiny remnant of unused herb in the kitchen.. and vavavoom... it grows and grows!

Kaffir lime plant (Limau purut) - a pot given by our next door neighbour. I learn from her that plants are fantastic gifts. Just imagine, every time I use this in Tom Yam, she receives blessings from Him. Subhanallah!

Aloe vera (lovely in juices!) - was given by the cleaner of Klinik Desa Mengabang Telipot. She told us to use it for burn wounds. A thoughtful gesture, I reckon (06.2010)

Ginger plants (and a lonesome ulam raja! - we replanted the other 'monarchs' in a secluded area, where rabbits can't munch them!). This ginger plant was a good friend of mine during the confinement days! Ahahha..

Galangal (lengkuas), another favorite items of our neighbours. (Neighbours will enter the house, take any herbs they need and go back to their respective kitchens... cool eh? I think that's why this plant is growing so well.)

Peonies in a pot..  =D

Plant plants.

Patience.

Persevere, water and fertilize them.

Ponder upon His super greatness.

Priceless buds.

Pray...
(Put them in the pot)
Precious dine..

What I learn from '35 ways of Sharing and Showing Quality Time with My Munchkins'.

It’s easy for us to say “I love you” but those three words, devoid of action and the gift of our quality time, are simply that—just words.  As the new generation of parents, lets try to exemplify loving sentiments and affections, let us show our children just how special they really are.

35 simple ways to show your child love:

1. Plan to watch movie they want to see. Make your own popcorns. Switch off the lights. Lots of pillows and cuddles!
2. Go on a treasure hunt (collect all the loose change around the house/car) together and then make a trip to the arcade with your findings.
3. Take a long nature walk together, at their pace.  Let them lead the conversation.
4. Find qualities about them that you genuinely love, and compliment them in front of others.
5. Frame a photo of the two of you, and display it in their room.
6. Play a game with them.
7. Let them win.
8. Make bath time special.  Add lots of bubbles, colored soaps, maybe you could purchase a new tub toy or let them play with things found around the house.  I let my kids play with things like colanders and funnels from the kitchen—they love it. 
9. Send them a handmade card in the mail with a coupon to go get ice cream with you.
10. Using blankets and chairs, or a card table, build a clubhouse together and have a picnic inside.
11. Read “I love you” books together.
12. Let them stay up past their bedtime with you and watch something together.
13. Do a chore that is normally reserved for them.
14. Tuck an encouraging note inside their lunchbox.
15. Give them your full attention.
16. Tell them some of the ways they make you happy.
17. Make them laugh.
18. Laugh with them.
19. Make their favorite treat to welcome them home from school with.
20. Show them your joy when they arrive.
21. Ask for hugs and kisses.
22. Listen, and let them make their own decisions whenever possible.
23. Take a day off from everything: work, household duties, technology, etc. and focus entirely on them.
24. Cook together.
25. Write them a poem using the initials of their name.
26. Decorate their room for no reason.
27. Kidnap them from school and take them out for lunch.
28. Make home a fun place to be.
29. Make a treasure box from an old shoe box, fill it with “gold” (chocolate coins) and make an official looking treasure map with clues for them to locate the hidden treasure with.
30. Go to the store and let them pick out all the ingredients to make banana splits.  Make and eat them together.
31. Wrap up in a warm blanket together in an aircond room and take turns making up stories to tell each other.
32. Make a list of things you love about them and put it on their pillow before bedtime.
33. Talk about what they did in their day at dinnertime.
34. Sit down together and write a list of fun activities to do in a day.  Write each idea on small slips of paper, roll up the papers and stick them inside balloons.  Blow up all the balloons and then pop one balloon at a time until you’ve completed all the activities.
35. Play back rub/tickle games—ie; Spider crawling up your back… 

Sharing, adopting and adapting a lovely entry...

What I learn from 'the correlation between AirAsia and Good shoes'.

Being a frequent flyer of AirAsia (KT-LCCT), I was excited to check the hypotheses of my small correlational study. 

The hypotheses - Good pair of (new Clarks.. =p) shoes is needed if you fly with AirAsia.

The test - Look for associations of excessive walking during outbound and inbound flights. 

Online Clarks with Syifa's Shope (Su is a UMT staff!)

From my case study, it was discovered that in deed, there's a perfect positive relation (r = +1) between the two variables. Especially during the last trip, I was requested to embark the flight twice! There was oil spill underneath the aircraft and all passengers were asked to abort the plane...

(This entry is to justify my recent purchase of Clarks shoes - a justification to myself (and the other half!)... I need to make it sound academic and scientific to make it more dramatic! hahahhahahah....)

In addition, to adik-adik, there are alot of fancy shoes out there, but do take care of your feet when purchasing your shoes. You're going to use them all your life (your feet, not the same shoes!!)... do take care of them. Invest on good, comfortable and supportive shoes. And, skimpy and sloppy pairs will not do justice to your nice outfit.. seriously!

Well, I have to admit, it was worth it! Thanks Su for the Clark-y! Better price next time? =p

p/s My love and thanks to my husband for purchasing me an unexpected black coach-y bag to match the shoes! Love you, loads!!

What I learn from 'my Research Framework OT (RFOT)'

Alhamdulillah, I attended a course handled by dedicated Dr Othman Taib, the founder of drotspss.blogspot.com. An award winning blog dedicated to novice researchers (like me!)

One of the most precious things I learned (and it might be a tad late for me) is filling in the one page Research Framework. It does look simple, but it needs in depth thoughts. But this simple piece of paper will give you (and your supervisor and the panel of assessors for your proposal defense) a greater idea of your research, what's lacking and more. Fantastic and highly prescribed for novice researchers, masters and PhD students, preferably the beginners.

This what's mine looked like... you can click on the photo's caption if you really want to read it! 

RFOT Azza

I showed this to my concern supervisor, after being absent from seeing him for about 4 months (pre-delivery admission to ward, post-admission of the twins to NICU for a month).. and to my relieve, he was satisfied that I'm on track (though the RFOT I submitted needed a few amendments, but at least he believes that I have a clear idea of what I'm doing!) And so will you, after you fill this one page RFOT! Alhamdulillah, doing this gives me a kick start or a launch pad after being stuck in a deep end for sometime.


And if you are interested in making your own, this is a blank RFOT template (this is the latest and simpler version of RFOT) and an example that you can refer to. (However, if you like the version that I'm using up there, click here for the blank template). Dr Othman gave his full permission for all to make use of this template.. May Allah showers him with more blessings and greater ease in doing his work.. aamin.

All the best, folks!

It's not enough to mildly want what you want -

you must wildly want what you want. 

There are no wishy washy CEOs - 

or wishy washy nobel peace prize winners - 

or wishy washy winners of anything. 

It helps to remember that life is rarely linear - 

there are always zigzags on your path to your dreams. 

True failure only happens when you abandon your quest. 

Keep on questing.

 

What I learn from 'time-out vs time-in'

Grumpy young man... oh yes, he can be one!

 What consequences do you use when your kids misbehave?

I used time-out sessions for my kids. It worked to a certain extend, but not anymore... it has just lost its 'power' to heal the bad manners. But Alhamdulillah, today, Allah grants me an idea of conducting a 'time-in'.

'TIME-IN' can be accomplished by sending your child to a designated spot where he must complete a task that has a definite beginning and end. This could be putting together a small puzzle, memorising a line/two from a surah, completing 3 pages of revision book, scrub their shoes, clean and clear a certain area of the house which is toy messy, peeling carrots.. any activity that can has a definite beginning and end . A 'time-in' diverts his energies and encourages him to focus on something positive.

Re-arranging the books is a good time-in activity, especially books with numerical orders (i.e. Mr Men collection.)

Another way to teach our children, in every action, there is a consequence, we  create a homemade "Correction" can. This works when the children can understand that if they do bad things, they need to face the outcome. And the outcome is time in using the "Correction" can. 

In every action, there is a consequence - good and bad. Teach our child to choose the correct action

We fill it with tickets or slips of paper with various consequences written on them. Instead of giving your child a time-out, send her to the can for a slip. A few ideas might include no TV or computer after school or an extra chore.We also toss in a blank piece of paper, a "mercy" ticket, which gives us an opportunity to talk about how Allah gives us mercy even when we deserve punishment (I personally love this tix.. there are lots of stories of the prophets showing Allah's mercy. My children love stories, and sometimes it serves a better purpose then time-out/in!)

Fill in this can with various consequences as well as "mercy" tickets. A good way to use your scrap paper, as well as to source out house chores to your children!

What I learn is that, disciplining our children takes dedication and effort.  It also helps to mix in a little creativity when needed. 

Wallahu'alam.

What I learn from 'Made vs Bought'

The teachers in Malaysia has recently celebrated Teachers' Day on the 16th of May and prior to the occassion, Al Fateh and Alwani had reminded me that they would like to give something to their teachers (which accumulates to 14 teachers!).

I remember a talk by one of the imaams of the local madrasah. He reminded us that one of the basics that many new parents forget to follow from the older generations is to seek baraka or blessings from teachers, include them in your daily du'a, respect them as they work hard to impart knowledge to our children.

And so, this is the day to show our appreciation to the teachers. Thanking them for being so tolerant when teaching our kids ;)

For us, a home made or self made gifts are always cherished and add a personal touch since it shows that one has put more effort into it by taking the time out of one's life to make them a gift.

These are some examples of the home made gifts that my friends have done for their children's' teachers. Salute to you!

Sya Annur's famous marble choc cheese cakes for her son's lucky teachers.

Janna's cuppies for her childrens' teachers.

Tini's preaching to her kids, '...to appreciate teachers from the bottom of their hearts' (Tini Yahya, 2012). Her daughters made beautiful hand decorated frames.

While my kids coloured-in certificates to be given to their teachers. Laminating them would be a nice touch and it'll last longer.

A wonderful well planned present for those with green hands.

Congratulations to all my friends who find time to appreciate the teachers of our children. I applaud each and every one of you who uses their own special skills i.e baking, painting, planting, sewing, art and crafting, giving orders to their kids to complete their colouring (<-- that's me!! haha).

Here is some ideas (for next year!) of 30 Homemade Gift for Teachers, Teacher Appreciation Ideas and printable cards.

What I (re)learn from 'a purchase in Subiaco'.

I bought a card with this on it at Subiaco market when Alwani was a baby. Found it this morning during our weekly 'major' cleaning up session. A stark reminder of my mission to love my children, parent them and love myself, all at the same time!

p/s.. I love cool cards, with meaningful words!

What I learn from 'Al Fateh and Friday prayers'.

Teaching our children to live as Muslims is an OK task... but teaching them to love Islam and practice its teachings are big tasks. A task which each parent is responsible for. 

Friday prayers is the latest 'syllabus' that we are instilling in Al Fateh, for him to do it routinely (and as sincerely as possible). It's hard for him to go with a smile. Hey, I don't blame him, it is his weekend, he just came back from his tennis practice, his other siblings are happily at home, enjoying the swirling fan on the ceiling while he has to endure the stunning heat and glare outside. It's a big task for him to do it sincerely and without a hint of resentment. But as parents, we believe that we have to train them when they are ready and Islam has clearly suggested that at the age of 7 the children should be taught how to pray.

Friday sermons in Malaysia is not as children (or adults) friendly as the sermons we have attended in the UK or Australia. They are pre-suggested speech and the imaams have limited authority to change them. As a result, many enjoy these sermons as naptime story...

I remembered those teaching days in Australia, in a class full with Year 2 boys, I asked them as soon as they came back into the classroom after the Friday prayers, "What did you learn from the Friday sermons?" Each student had to write one on the whiteboard as they entered the classroom.

During the first few weeks, these 7-8 year old boys found it difficult to write. So I asked those who could not suggest anything to recite their istighfar 10 times outside the classroom, then they were allowed to enter the class. They did not like this punishment. However, after a few weeks, all would come into the class after Jumaah prayers and confidently wrote something on the board.

One particular scene is still fresh in my mind when Sheikh Yusuf Parker (the imam of the area) came into the class with my boys, then loudly exclaimed a long 'Aaahhhhh, now I understand why..' (after looking on the huge title on my whiteboard - WHAT DID YOU LEARN IN FRIDAY SERMONS?)

He then reported to me that one of my students, Abdul Qani, an energetic Somalian boy, raised up his hand during the Friday prayers and asked him questions. He boldly told the Sheikh that he didn't understand what he was saying and he needs to understand them because, "Sr Azza will ask us what we learn in the sermons". The Sheikh told me the congregation were impressed with his boldness and said their 'Takbir!'.

(Sheikh Yusuf Parker then re-told them the sermons using easier words, that's what the kids told me!)

In this simple event, I learned alot of things...

1. The imaam has a huge role in educating. They should learn to accommodate his congregation, old AND young (and whatever political background they have!).
2. Kids need to have a purpose in doing something - as parents, we need to set them. This will ensure that they are not doing things blindly, without any purpose (which also will mean wasting their time!)
3. When the kids understand that they have an objective to fill, the activity will be more meaningful (but please remind your children not to ask any question during Friday sermons! It was embarrassing for me!)
4. Never underestimate the power of reciting 'istighfar' loudly and publicly! hahah.. I thought it was a simple penalty, but it digs deep!

Wallahu'alam

What I learn from 'Bye-bye CDs!!'

At the age of 3 years and 3 months, Yusuf finally manage to say, 'I'm nappy free!!'

'I'm nappy free at the age of three!!'

We are sooo proud of him, though it took us a few times (since he was 2 and a half), to potty train him. It was a bit hard at the beginning since he sent us mixed messages, i.e, he wanted to pee, sat on the toilet and he'd say 'Eh, pee tak nak keluar!' (pee is not coming out!). And once we put back the nappy on, he'd pee like a turned-on water pipe!

Lesson #1 - Keep the nappy off! We were actually sending him mixed messages, putting it on and off. Of course Yusuf will be more comfortable to pee in the nappy, he had been doing it since birth! So, once you take off those diapers and put on the underwear, never put on the diapers again!

And so, we took it off (even asked the girls in the nursery to cooperate and do the same!) and (of course) there were only 2 accidents at nursery, and one in his bedroom, and that's it! No forcing, lots of encouragement. 

Lesson#2 - Remember that our children will do it in their own time. When they're ready, we'll be amazed at how quickly they become trained. Just take our time, don't scold, nag or fuss and most of all, don't worry (especially about money since Yusuf is on cloth diaper!)

Lesson #3 - Start only after our child signals his readiness. If we force them to do something that they're not sure of, we will feel defeated (and they will be scolded). Keep an eye out for common clues, like staying dry for longer periods of time (indicating stronger bladder control), wanting to wear "big kid" underwear, or telling you when he's soiled a diaper.

Took a CD from his nursery bag and chuck it in the bin, telling me, 'I don't need this anymore!'

Lesson #4 - We offer praise and prizes. After Yusuf peed in the toilet, we made the BIGGEST fuss in the house (Al Fateh, Alwani included). We cheered, clapped, danced around, hoping it will make Yusuf felt he has done something wonderful and he'll want to do it again and again. We had planned to reward him, but praises were enough to make him happy!

Lesson #5 - Extra motivational boost.. In addition, we used a sticker rewards chart for my three year old, Yusuf. He was rewarded with a sticker of his choice that he was able to put on the sticker chart he created with me AFTER he peed. Poos earned double stickers (hahaha.. seriously! Yusuf found it hard to poo in the toilet). 

He's fully trained in 5 days! Alhamdulillah..

So, to mommies out there who's planning to potty train, stay calm and keep our child motivated. You can do it, (and they'll surely do it, too!)

What I learn from 'one quiet weekend'

Alwani is in need of an artsy activity. She is high with nasi lemak breakfast meal, which includes 3 hard boiled eggs. So yes, she needs an activity where she can sit down and not pester others (which she loves to do when she's high on energy!)

Very lady-like, isn't it? hahah

Since it was a nice breezy morning, next to the clean and dry drain we sat. Crayons and scrap papers out. And I taught the kids what I learned during an art class in Convent Seremban (decades ago!). Shading and tracing different surfaces. Simple and very easy!

Even Yusuf was intrigued and excited to join in!

Since Abi's birthday is coming up very soon, we used Alwani and Yusuf's artwork as a wrapping paper. Creative, useful and meaningful activity (and extremely easy)!

Present wrapped!

I'm happy when they are happy! =D
Alhamdulillah


WARNING: You can do this activity outdoor/indoor, but please make sure you (or your landlord) wont get angry if the tiles are stained if you do it indoor!

What I learn from 'girls running away from home..'

Reading the newspaper early this morning, I was alarmed with the news, '126 kids missing so far this year'.

And it is only April!! 

I feel saddened as I read on. It was reported that the bulk of the amount missing were girls... girls just like Alwani. It really distraught me, that girls, as young as 13, could really leave their own home, the security of family, for whatever lame the reason might be. 

On the other hand, the reason might be the insecurity of their family...

Maybe the kids are not respected as they should (physical, verbal abuse, neglected); 

Maybe the parents are too busy in fulfilling their kids' material needs (and working most of the time); 

Maybe they face a stressful situation at school (being bullied, scolded, punished etc); 

Maybe they have a fear of getting consequences for something they did; 

Maybe they did not perform as well as you wished (academically, socially);

Maybe they despise going to school because they're harassed by teachers or seniors (or even at the bus stops); 

Maybe the kids respond better with people who are not family members (by sharing their troubles). 

And surely, there is a need for an in-depth study on this phenomenon.

Yusuf & Thomas. What's your planned adventure?

Running away is like any action. In order to do it you need three things: the ability, the willingness and the opportunity. And let’s face it, kids have the opportunity and ability to run every day—so all it really takes is the willingness to do it. The source of willingness are some of the 'maybes' stated above.

What I learn after reading this article is that we need to learn to recognise the signs of stress that our children shows... sad faces, slumped shoulder, red eyes from crying, bruises, irregular mood swings.. and try to do the following.. (which are rather very general but I believe it can make it easier for the kids to grow up happier...)

• Instill confidence in them.
• Dont make them feel small.
• Don't confuse our children by making promises that we can't keep. This will make them distrust us. 
• Don't correct them in front of others. Talk to them in private. (If bad things happen over at a friend's place, excuse yourself, pull him/her aside (or outside). Talk to them there and then so that our children know that they don't have 'the chance' to misbehave away from home.... and try to do it away from others, please).
• Don't preach and nag. It is easy for us moms, but the message can't get through.. trust me.. been there done that! haha
• Don't be put off when our children ask honest questions. They have the right to have honest answers from you!
• Use guidance, not force. Rationalise why they have to do certain things (i.e brush their teeth regularly or not too much TV). Reinforce your guidance.
• Apologise when you are wrong (and they'll learn to do the same!)
• Respect their teachers (yes, us too, as parents!) Once they know that even us, adults can respect their teachers (by thanking them with small thank you notes etc.), why can't they? (and when teachers know that we are proactive parents, they'll surely try to perform their best!)
• Be consistent and persistent when disciplining our kids. They need routine. 
• Hold them accountable for their actions... all of their actions, good or bad. Praise/Guide or both.
• When doing so, be respectful. Respects are gained, not claimed.

Wallahu'alam

What I learn from 'a lying incident...'

'What happened to my wall, Yusuf?'

'I don't know. Alwani did it!'

'Alwani did what?'

'Alwani took a 'koko' (brown) marker pen and she did like this..' (while demonstrating how the graffiti was done)

Background noise: Alwani's whimpering, denying the accusations which was rather annoying, noisy and not needed!
'Was it fun?'
'Yes!...... eh.... I want bread please....' (Trapped & diversion.. yes, this child can be very cheeky!!)

Should he be punished? How?

So, as parents, what will you do?

I must admit, addressing the problem of lying isn’t easy, as there’s no one thing you can do to make the problem go away, including using punishment. In fact, punishment will only make things worse. HOWEVER, it needs to be addressed, as early as it happens.

1. Ask instead of accuse.

If you catch your child lying, work on figuring out why she felt like she couldn’t tell you the truth. You can gently say, “That sounds a bit far-fetched. You must be worried about telling me what really happened. Let’s talk about that.” By opening the conversation this way, you’ll get the real story — and information that can clue you in on how to get her to demonstrate honesty in the future. 

p/s: Try not to get other children to join in the conversation, she/he might get embarrassed, angry and annoyed, which make it hard for him/her to be honest. Make this conversation private and personal.

2. Observe how us, parents, respond to our kids when they misbehave or make a poor choice.

Even adults will lie to protect themselves from punishment or an unpleasant outcome when they do something wrong — so why should we expect anything different from our kids? True isn't it?

So, try to work on using a "calm voice" (which is not easy when you're angry!) to address bad behavior and avoid lectures and 'physical torture'. Our child will feel safe telling the truth when the mommies are not behaving like wild tigress!

3. Make the most of mistakes.

Kids who aren’t yelled at or punished for messing up will be more likely to admit it when they do (next time). And when they fess up, turn the mistake into a learning opportunity. Use this chance to teach your child the 'better ways' to tell Ummi and Abi what happened,  

'Kakak and Abang were using the white boards, and Yusuf hasn't got one, and I really need to write..' (and at this time, he nodded furiously!! hahah!) 

And, I used this situation to teach him that it's not nice to lie and accuse others, 'Do you like Adib (his friend at school) to say, "Ustazah, Yusuf messes up the toys" when you didn't?' (he shook his head)' and what would you feel?'

'I feel bad...' (eyes drooping like puss in boots!!! Sheeeshhh.. this drama king!)

Insya Allah, he'll react honestly when he messes up!

4. Encourage honesty.

Whenever our child tells the truth about something difficult, commend her. “I bet it was hard to tell the truth. You really showed some courage. Thanks for taking responsibility.”

note: Praise our (guilty) child in front of the other children since they will know that Ummi & Abi love people who tells the truth.

Telling the truth is not easy, but we need to instill it!

5. Love unconditionally.

Our children need to know that while sometimes, we don’t like their behavior, we’ll love them no matter what kind of mistakes they make. Make every effort to show them they are loved (hugs are good, easy and free!) and they’ll be more likely to open up. 

Cuddles help! (but you don't have to make that kind of face, Azza!) haha!

 6. Watch our own “white lies."

'Oh.. I was busy yesterday, the twins were crying all day, that's why I didn't pick it up' but your child knows that the twins were fine yesterday and you were actually busy completing your photobook! 

When we let a “white lie” slip, our kids think they’re acceptable. We’ve heard it before: set a good example!

By creating a safe environment for the truth in our household, we’ll see a lot more honesty. Better yet, we’ll be helping our children develop the kinds of character traits that will serve them well throughout her life, insha Allah.

Wallahu'alam.