I hardly slept the night before the taaruf day. Though I felt that this particular way of getting to know someone, was over and above peculiar (it's the 21st century for Heaven's sake), but I believed that the decision I made was correct.
This meeting has an obvious objective. A crucial decision must be made afterwards. Could this man be my compatible partner FOR LIFE?
Looking at the question list for the hundredth of times, frankly, I was doubtful whether this set of questions could help me in reaching my objective.
And the morning came, together with more butterflies in my tummy!
Thus, I got ready and today, the Lothian Bus (no 30) was like waiting for me faithfully at the Nicholson Street bus stop. It never did for the past 4 years! Was it a sign? Am I over-analysing? Go away butterflies!!!
With the list in hand, I went to Kak Anis' place alongside the entire species of butterflies in my tummy. But when I thought about Kak Anis and Ustaz Azman, I got a bit calm. I knew both of them well, together with their 3 young children (which has grown to 8, now!). I've enjoyed several trips with them, I took care of their kids when they went for Hajj, I went to their place uncountable times - the bottom line was, I was comfortable with the couple and I was always being myself around them. I believed that choosing a good and intelligent intermediary was essential to make the situation a less-awkward, and not uncomfortable.
As I entered the house, I saw a huge pair of shoes (quick mental note, size 10, Timberland, mmm... nice choice. Haha!) Anyway, Kak Anis invited me inside and offered me some OJ in the kitchen. Then, Ustaz Azman called us in. And 'taraaa!!', I saw him. But the butterflies didn't leave, they multiplied!
Ustaz Azman, smiling in between sipping his hot tea, started the taaruf session by introducing both of us to one another. He then pointed to the other man in the room, living the ball on his court. 'So, akh, why are we here?'
The answer was simple yet very meaningful, 'Nothing builds a home better than faith and trust. Faith in Allah on one hand, and trust to one's partner on the other. And I'm seeking for the trust.'
And so, the ball bounced onto both courts, mine and his during the taaruf. The list was extremely helpful, even there were only seven questions, but they revealed a lot about a man (and a woman, too, I reckoned). A whole lot! The session took more than 2 hours and I must admit that it was very interesting, lively and informative.
Kak Anis then told us that we should share the information with our parents and discuss well with them. If possible, she advised us to seek more information (as discretely as possible) from close friends and relatives BUT no information given and taken from the room, should be discussed outside. This would ensure no violation of privacy to others who were not related.
She then told both of us to repeatedly make alot of du'as, request from Allah through the application of istikharah prayers. Seek His help in making a HUGE decision of your life. Then she looked at me, "In two weeks, I'll call you and ask if you have made your decision.'
I learn a few things during this taaruf process.
- WHEN: When both suitors are ready for another chapter in their lives; not being forced or provoked, it must be a willing decision from both parties
- WHAT: Come to the meeting prepared, i.e. dress appropriately, questions ready.
- WHO: It should be 'chaperon-ed' meeting. The chaperons must have good faith and that you're comfortable with. And don't forget to BE YOURSELF all the time.
- WHERE: First impression lasts very long. If two suitors meet at a club, it will always tell on the relationship. So, the best place to get to know one another is at Muslim homes, where much detail conversation can be discussed.
To be continued...(I've got two weeks!)
|'Bliss of love after marriage' (photo from here).|