Thursday, June 23, 2011

What I learn from 'bitter sweet symphony of June'

I was indulged in an emotional and physical roller coaster for the past few weeks.

Symphony 1
We were surprised with another pregnancy news, since we were not planning to have one this soon. Alhamdulillah for Allah's gift(s).

Symphony 2
However, with that, came a huge sacrifice that I had to make as a servant of Allah. Subhanallah, it was not an easy task for me to climb the stairs of the Tabung Haji building in KT to decline the hajj offer. We were looking forward for this great event in our lives and has been preparing for it for some time. But Allah knows best. I believe in His design of my life's journey.

Symphony 3
I willingly told my husband to perform the Hajj pilgrimage this year without me, though many of my family members disagree. However, I believe that it was not easy to get a grand invitation from Allah to perform one of the essential pillars of Islam, so why must we decline it without a valid reason. It's me who will be 8 months pregnant during Hajj period, not him. So, alhamdulillah, we stand firm with our decision for my husband to go first, and insha Allah, my turn will come next, maybe as a PhD gift from Him, wallahu'alam.

Symphony 4
From the beginning of the pregnancy till now, I experienced three events of bleeding. It was scary. It effected my supervision meetings with my supervisor since I wasn't able to commute regularly from KT to Nottingham, Semenyih. Another huge alhamdulillah, for my supervisor was very understanding and instructed me to do my work at home and submitting my reports through emails. He advised me to bed rest and took the break I needed since health is an essential tool for me to complete my PhD process. Oh, alhamdulillah.

Symphony 5
When I was spotting for the third time, I went to the usual clinic and another HUGE news came to us. I AM still pregnant but not with one fetus, but TWO! There you go! TWINkle, TWINkle little star(s)!

Symphony 6
I've got serious coughing issues in this pregnancy and I wheeze at night which makez it very hard for me to sleep or rest during night time. Hence, I needed afternoon naps, which made me lag behind my work as promised to myself and my supervisor. I have promised myself to complete at least 100% of my chapters 1 and 3 and at least 90% of chapter 2 before my EDD (which is mid December, 2011 - yes, this year). I need to work on my pilot study report so that I have a clear idea on what to expect during my data collection this September (pre-test) and December (post-test).

Symphony 7
Yes, you read right. I need to collect post-test data in December, the exact same time I'm due with the twins. And another round of huge alhamdulillah for I have super wonderful colleagues in at my workplace, who willingly volunteered to do it for me. I'm indebted to you, Shayda and Husna, as well as the gurus, Kak Sham and Kak Ti, for willingly helping to ensure my research data collection journey sails smoothly, insha Allah.

The Symphony

A song aptly titled Allah Knows by Zain Bhika and Dawud Wharnsby is the anthem to my bitter sweet symphony this June. The simple words, so simple, so frank, so direct, yet so true;

When you feel all alone in this world
And there’s nobody to count your tears
Just remember, no matter where you are
Allah knows
Allah knows

When you carrying a monster load
And you wonder how far you can go
With every step on that road that you take
Allah knows

Allah knows

No matter what, inside or out
There’s one thing of which there’s no doubt
Allah knows
Allah knows
And whatever lies in the heavens and the earth
Every star in this whole universe
Allah knows
Allah knows

When you find that special someone
Feel your whole life has barely begun
You can walk on the moon, shout it to everyone
Allah knows
Allah knows

When you gaze with love in your eyes
Catch a glimpse of paradise
And you see your child take the first breath of life
Allah knows
Allah knows

When you lose someone close to your heart
See your whole world fall apart
And you try to go on but it seems so hard
Allah knows
Allah knows

You see we all have a path to choose
Through the valleys and hills we go
With the ups and the downs, never fret never frown
Allah knows

Allah knows


Every grain of sand,
In every desert land, He knows.
Every shade of palm,
Every closed hand, He knows.
Every sparkling tear,
On every eyelash, He knows.
Every thought I have,
And every word I share, He knows.
Allah knows.

And I believe, Allah's Knows!


  1. aunty azza!! alhamdulillah congrats! so happy to hear you're expecting twins! insya Allah, i pray to Allah to ease the journey for all of you, especially you ;) as for us, baby Omar ni x kuar lagi though today is the EDD. pray for us ya.

  2. Allahu Akbar... what a wonderful news Azza. I have tears in my eyes while reading your "month of june" journey. Be strong girl and remember Allah SWT will always be with you. Take care, kakti (zeti, NZ)

  3. wow - what a month! congratulations azza :) moga azza & babies sihat & Allah permudahkan semua urusan..

  4. Thanks Kak Ti and Mynie for the thoughts and warm wishes. Alhamdulillah for Allah's guidance and help to make me strong to pursue the priorities in life. Not easy, but He's always there. Aamin for the prayers. xox

  5. Afie,
    please update your blog about your first birthing experience in Oxford, ya?!! Push hard and just remember the contractions as a sin-cleansing process (hahahha)! Loads of zikr and prayers all the way. Our prayers are always with you!

  6. congrats k.azza dapat twin boys =) selamat berpantang & semoga anak-anak menjadi anak-anak yang soleh & solehah Insyaallah..


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