What I learn from 'Sabarlah.... I love you so...'

As I listened to the song, trying to figure out the lyrics.. the soothing saxophone tunes made me relaxed while feeding the twins on my lap. I remembered my brothers and sisters who attended the forum, 'Sabarlah Hati..' in UMT last week. This should be the perfect 'theme song' for the event... 'I love you so'.

"I Love You So"

I pray to God
With my heart, Soul, and body
Every single day of my life
With every breath I solemnly promise
To try to live my life for you
O Allah, You did revive my soul
And shone Your light into my heart
So pleasing You is now my only goal
Oh I love You so

[Chorus:]
Now I know how it’s like
To have You precious love in my life
Now I know how it feels
To finally be at peace inside
I wish that everybody knew
How amazing it feels to love You
I wish that everyone could see
How Your love has set me free
Set me free and made me strong
O Allah, I’m forever grateful to You
Whatever I say could never be enough
You gave me strength to overcome my uncertainties
And stand firm against all the odds
You are who did revive my soul
You shone Your light into my heart
So pleasing You is now my only goal
Oh I love You so
I love You so

[Chorus]

My love, my life, my days, my nights, my wealth, my prayers – all for You [x2]
And I swear that I will never put anyone
Or anything before You
My love, my life, my days, my nights, my wealth, my prayers – all for You

[Chorus]

Kudos to Maher Zain and his production team for another extraordinary work in making meaningful and upbeat Islamic melodies. May many will learn from your tunes. 

Ya Allah.. please guide me all the way..
Ya Kareem... please be pleased with us..
Ya Raheem.. please don't let us go astray.. we need You.
Ya Fattah.. please let us amongst the chosen ones that You love...
Aamin ya Rabbal 'Aalaamin.


 

What I learn from 'Alwani & the Flip Flop'.

Do you have a child who loves to help out around the house?

I do (and luckily my quality control standard is not that high.. haahha). As long as she's happy and willing to help (and not making a bigger mess out of a small mess), I'm game.

I found a tool to make her life easier. A tool that helped her enjoy house work. A tool that wouldn't make me do double work (as in to refold the my husband's clothes).

Introducing.. Alwani's Flip Flop!!

 

  

Cool, kan?

What I learn...

1. We need to introduce house chores to the kids as early as possible. It teaches them to be responsible. We teach them as early as they can understand simple instruction, i.e. Please place your cup/bottle in the sink (which is more practical than you and the whole family hunting for the missing bottle later!)

2. When they know how easy it is to clean up small mess, and how hard it can be to clean up big mess, they will be more responsible by not making big mess... they will tell each other to clean up before it becomes massive (and before Ummi turns into monster!)

3. Tools (the not dangerous ones) can help you to make life easier. Tools can actually train your child to be independent in finishing their chores. I left Alwani to fold her clothes on her own while I can finish other things. She is a responsible girl, masha Allah.  

4. Praising your child after finishing each chores is essential. A simple hug is a HUGE reward. By telling your husband (in front of your child) of her/his good deeds will surely boast her confidence and motivation in helping more. 

5. Don't complain if their work is not up to your standard! He/She is only a child! Remember, practice makes perfect! 

6. If you have more than 1 child, don't burden the child that loves to help (or the child which can do the work fastest or the one which lives up to your standard) with everything. Division of work is important. She/He would feel unmotivated quickly if being buried with house chores while others are having fun playing blocks. Sharing house chores creates the feeling of togetherness... (and to remind the unhelpful ones that there's no escape!!)

Wallahu'allam.

What I learn from 'a note in their Tupperware...'

Yesterday, I purposely put a tiny note in Alwani's Tupperware. Her teacher then approached me saying that she did very well in spelling her shapes! The small note motivated her to do well! Alhamdulillah

I learn that notes are great for your young ones who are new into reading because they're short, they're fun, AND they're from mom. I keep my notes short and sweet. Something like:

I tend to write things that they enjoy, not instruction based notes i.e. finish your lunch, eat your veggies. I want them to look forward to my little notes because when  they learn that reading is fun, they'll look forward to reading.

What I learn from 'Sabarlah hati...'

Mind map in iPad. I didnt know how to export it here... hahaha....

I have forgotten the turmoil that we (my husband and I) faced before our akad nikah. It was not always easy to make the relationship pure and clean. It was a constant fight with the syaitan and of course, the confusing desire that comes hand in hand when you think you love someone. 

But, you need to learn to say NO to syaitan.. you need to enrich your vocabulary with istighfar, you need to say 'Whatever!' to the lust within you..

'What ever, syaitan! Go find someone else to pester with!'

The forum that I participated with Imam Muda Fattah and Mr Azman had refreshed my memories on how I overcame that hurdle, how did we teach ourselves to stay in Allah's path, how to tell ourselves 'Sabarlah hati...' (be patient, dear heart..). I remembered yet again the taaruf session we've attended (as I've shared in Mission Impossible 3, 2 and 1) and the invaluable questions asked.

~~~ Selingan lagu dulu... Maaf Tuk Berpisah by Tashiru.. (dont forget to push the 'pause' button on the iphone down there! Sorry-morry!)

I applaud the organiser, Kelab Amatur Intelektual (KAI) 11/12 for creating this platform to teach these young hearts about the value of love.. the REAL value of it and how to manage it.

Here were some of the points being discussed - my 20cents worth of thoughts..

Please use magnifying lenses! =D

May Allah teaches the young hearts to remain calm and patient.
May Allah gives them ilham that being in ♥ after marriage is more cool and blessed.
May Allah bestows them strength to overcome the desire and syaitan.
Aamin ya Rabbal 'Alamin..


Wallahu'alam..

What I learn from 'the merit stickers'

I first started using stickers during my teaching days in Al Hidayah Islamic School, Bentley, Perth, Australia. I wanted to motivate the Year 3 children to do well, and to do better than they always do. 

Those days were gone, but now I have a group of more crucial students. My children.

Sticker books bought by Kak Ti @ Red Dot Perth.

An example of how I use the sticker (in Bacalah Anakku Book, as they completed them).

For Al Fateh, it is a reward for him to do a single activity seriously, neatly and cautiously. At times, he can be too relaxed with his homework or other academic activities. Telling him that a sticker will be awarded to him if he does well, voila! He suddenly switches his character and become a more diligent boy. No joke!

For Alwani, it is an incentive for her to read, and not to get flustered easily. This simple tiny stickers can actually help me to get a little more cooperation from my young student.

In addition, I started giving Alwani stickers when she was four for behaving well, and for helping me out with little chores... nowadays, since it had became a routine to her, no stickers were needed, and the good behaviour and deeds that she learned earlier 'stick'ed till now (and in the future, insha Allah). Alhamdulillah.

What I learned from using these merit stickers together with a reward chart;

1. They are powerful tools to

• encourage behaviour you want, such as read a book/page a day,
• discourage behaviour you don’t want, such as not sharing or shouting
• reward your child for practising new skills, such as placing the cups in the sink after drinking or putting all the toys in a box when asked and even to eat veggies!

2.  It's a wonderful practice for parents to catch our child being good (as oppose to shout when they misbehave!). It’s a good idea to reward the behaviour as soon as we see it – since our child might lose motivation if his/her efforts aren’t being noticed.

3.   My children engage more readily if they helped choosing their final reward – Magnum/Slurpee treat, playing with sand at the beach, fried chooks for dinner... (my kids are easy to please!!)

A beach outing after house cleaning and group car wash!

Please share your experience in the comment box, too!

p/s Thanks kak Ti for buying my sticker top-ups in Perth. It's pretty hard to find them here! Cheap ones, I mean ;D

What I learn from 'being a convert'.

Yes, I converted.

When my husband was brainstorming on his book, Ketika Alam Bertasbih,  one of the concerns was regarding the health of the environment. My kids and I are among the contributors of the waste which takes a long time to perish... dirty diapers.

Doing a short and simple research on the net, I discovered that cloth diapers (CD) are now so trendy and affordable. No more safety pins and plain white muslins! And so, I converted from disposable diapers (DD) to CDs.

Why?

CDs are cheaper than DDs. My rule of thumb, if things can be reuse, it must be cheaper. Dont you think so? I remembered spending RM30 (minimum) fortnightly for 30 months for Al Fateh and Alwani buying DDs, which comes to nearly spending RM2K on rubbish (well, at the end of the day, we're going to chuck them in the bin, isn't it?)

Now, just imagine having three kids using DDs at one time like me, at this moment! At least RM300/month will be spent on DDs. It's a blessing that Allah gave me the idea to convert! Alhamdulillah!

Yusuf and his CDs

CDs are healthier than DDs. CDs are free of the many chemicals contained in disposable diapers. Dioxin, which in various forms has been shown to cause cancer, birth defects, liver damage, skin diseases, and genetic damage, is a by-product of the paper-bleaching process used in manufacturing disposable diapers. 

CDs - showing that we care for the environment. It's rough in Terengganu where the rubbish collection system is far from advanced. We need to 'carry' our rubbish to the big communal bins on the main road. No, we dont have private black thrash bin in front of our houses. 

So, just imagine having big heavy loads of DDs before departing to the communal bins - the smell, the bulk. Then, just by sitting our air conditioned car, we can smell the stench of the bins as we pass them. Now, imagine having 1000 times greater amount of stenched DDs and other rubbish on the landfill. Astaghfirullah. This is one of the reasons why I converted, it's my small contribution to the world. 

CDs are fancier - they are soft, comfortable and have many wonderful prints (and the price ranges from RM15 to RM100 each!). Yes, I agree that I have a bit more laundry to do then  before, but hey, I enjoy long showers. It's therapeutic! =D

Fawwaz, wearing the same nappy as Yusuf. Credit to Shafis for the photo!

What I learn from being a 'student leader'.

Nearly a decade and a half ago, I was one of the most active student leaders during my undergraduate years in Edinburgh. It has taught me a lot of things, and on top of the list were goal setting and group maintenance, and of course, HAVING FUN being one fantastic leader.

source: www.utexas.edu.

Goal Setting

As a leader, I realised that it was essential to listen to the needs of the group that I was leading. Yes, some groups do have their predetermined goals, but it didn't have to be just that. In order to set the groups' goal (not our own!), it was important to ask the team members - 

1. Is the goal realistic? (Projected participants will be able to come since it is held mid-term.)
2. Is it attainable? (Can we achieve what we plan to do?)
3. What is the anticipated end-result? (At the end of the programme, at least 50 first year students will join the group).
4. How many members are expected to participate in attaining the goal? (Full co-operation, and not hangat-hangat tahi ayam/melepaskan batuk ditangga).
5. What are the reliable sources? (Who can actually REALLY help us in realising the plan? Is she/he/it available? Contacts available in hand?)

Group maintenance

With this, what I meant was keeping the members' interest with you as their leader, and with the group that they join. It is essential to know what are the motivations for students to part of a group. Some of the reasons might be;

• A desire to learn and develop new skill
• A desire to feel useful and needed
• A desire to be a part of activities that have importance
• A desire to gain visibility and recognition
• A desire to help others
• A desire for a sense of security
• A desire to reduce loneliness

Hence as leaders of members who have variety of personal needs, we as leaders need to remember that our 'subordinates' need

• to feel supported
• to feel appreciated and rewarded
• to feel that the tasks given to them challenge their abilities
• to know that it is ok to make mistakes
• to know that resources (and yourself, as a leader) are available to help.

View yourself as a team player more than a leader... 

Pix credit to Carsten Reisinger

All in all, being a student leader

• I learn how to be more responsible and organised person.
• I learn to observe people's behaviour, how to approach people when asking for help.
• I communicated better with peers and superiors.
• I discovered the ways on how to plan effectively and accomplish the plans successfully, as a team.
• I found out how to trust the right people (the hard way), and how to re-trust others.
• I noticed that dispersing a huge plan into tiny units of jobs, needs a lot of planning but would have a greater result - a successful event and an ecstatic team.
• I had a very strong stand (and still am) towards musyawarah - effective, short, brief and to-the-point meeting.
• I learn to compliment my team members and praise them for the job well done... (even it was not up to my standard.. )
• I understood that resolving conflicting ideas within team members needed a fair mind, and not emotional heart (and lots of patience, too!) (Have planned to write an entry on CONFLICT.. soon insha Allah..)

During those years, I learn all of these from many leaders around me, my Abah, Mak, Abang Shah-Kak Tie, Abg Sham-Kak Ninie, Ustaz Azman-Kak Anis, Abg Wan Saiful, Abg Cairul, late Gillies Haughton, Ruby Rennie, to name the very few...

To all student leaders out there, whether you're heading a big society, small dorm, tiny-weeny sub-unit, with glamorous status or not, ENJOY yourself as a student leader. Enjoy the learning curves, the ups and downs. It'll make you stronger and more independent. It'll make your uni life more enjoyable.. I enjoyed mine, each and every bit of it... alhamdulillah. 

Wallahu'alam

What I learn 'by following their dreams, not mine..'

Supporting your children's interests is important. The key words were made bold. It should be their interest, and NOT ours. Many times I have seen parents had fallen into the traps of forcing promoting their children into activities that the children didn't enjoy.

It is important as parents, to notice what our children enjoy by paying attention and observing what makes them smile and laugh, and sometimes imitating it in front of the mirror. My husband and I frequently discussed ways for our children to explore their interest and ways to help them learn through and about their interest. Books and encyclopedia were explored and Al Fateh realised that books are fantastic tools to learn more about his interest, and google search as well! (You go, boy!! =D)

For six year old Al Fateh, he has memorised most of the tennis players while we watched the OZ/US/French Open & Wimbeldon tournaments, imitating their grunts and moves during play time. We brought him to the uni's tennis court several times and had a bit of fun hitting some balls. My husband admitted that he has strong ball sense and good strong strokes for a boy his age. With Allah's will, we met Kak Raihan, a colleague of mine, who's son was playing on the court next to ours, and she advised us to send him (AF) to a professional coach. 

Hence, during the car ride home, we asked Al Fateh to think about whether he wants to pursue his interest with a proper coach. We purposely asked him to decide since we believe that he's old enough (at six) to know his own likes/dislikes (and at he wont blame us for sending him to places he has no interest in, later!). I believe, by asking him to think rationally, it will make him realise that the ball is in his court, and we don't mind if he says 'No'. We told him all the details he needs to rationalised, i.e the place, time, day, what will the others do when he's playing, other positive outcomes by leading healthy lifestyle, etc.

He agreed.

The next week, we went to the tennis complex in Kuala Terengganu for his first training with a 'real' coach. Alhamdulillah, he enjoyed himself.. even up until now.

AF first day with Coach Marzuki.

What I learn from  following Al Fateh's dream;

1. Pay attention and observe your children's interests.
2. Nurture them by asking questions and explore more of their interest. How?
• By reading related books (with loads of pix for children) and encyclopedias (and silently developing their interests in books!)
• Explore the interest hands-on... (they'll love you for it!)
3. Do not be pushy. Let them decide to pursue it or not. But before deciding, discuss and rationalise the decision. You are (silently) teaching your child critical thinking skill.

May Allah enriches us with more ideas (ilham) and skills in educating our children to be strong and intelligent caliphs.. amin. 

Wallahu'alam..

What I learn from 'Al Fateh's last day on Iqra''

Al Fateh managed to complete his Iqra at the age of 5, alhamdulillah. 

We also thank Allah for bestowing us patients and determination in setting a good role model amongst Al Fateh's siblings.Yes, there are some days when he really test our patients to the core - not being serious and more interested in doing something else. But as parents, the need to set a straight forward rule is essential. And we have to stick to it, however cheeky a child can be.

Kids needs routine, kids love routine. Al Fateh knew that he has his practices of Iqra' after maghrib (almost) daily.

During Majlis Khatam Quran Negeri Terengganu, October, 2011.

But I must admit, the issue has a deeper root than that.

The need for young adults to understand the importance to find a wife/husband who has (good and in-depth) knowledge of Islam, and put a minimum requirement for him/her to at least pray 5 times a day and can recite the Quran well. Having a husband who is well versed had strongly assisted the teaching process for Al Fateh, alhamdulillah, since there were days when the younger kids tended to be cranky.

It's important so that we, as ladies will be very sure that our lives (and the children's) will always be in the path of Allah. Once you've put that requirement, it's crucial that you have to match it too! And be sure, that Allah has promised that 'And good women (are) for good men, and good men (are) for good women. [Quran 24:26]

We, as parents, however busy we are with our lives and career, we need to find time to fulfill our duties towards our kids. We always remind ourselves that we will be held accountable for this trust on the Day of Judgment. We, as parents, are essentially responsible for the moral, ethical and the basic and essential religious teachings of their children. I remembered in one of our sisters' gathering when this hadith of Rasulullah s.a.w. was told, it gave me shivers:

"Take care! Each of you is a shepherd and each of you shall be asked concerning his flock; a leader is a shepherd of his people, and he shall be asked concerning his flock; and a man is a shepherd of the people of his house, and he shall be asked concerning his flock; and a woman is a shepherd of the house of her husband and over their children, and she shall be asked concerning them.” [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim] 

 

From Al Fateh's Iqra' journey, I learned that as a mother, I must always be aware that I am serving as a role model in my behavior, and my attitudes. Every mother should be conscious of her role and do her best to make it beneficial for the development of her children as they set out on the journey of life. And it all starts from home.

Another lesson learned is that we can and should teach our own child! YES, WE CAN! Especially the basics of reading. Just imagine how much good deeds we would collect when our children start to read the Quran and other books or media. We ourselves, with our own hands, have taught them each and every single letter. Masha Allah. May Allah fosters determination and patients for us to teach our own, aamin.

  p/s: Ya Allah, please give me the same strength in teaching Alwani, Yusuf, Fawwaz & Uwais on how to read! Aamin. 

What I learn 'when Uwais turns blue!'

Ammar Uwais and Affif Fawwaz had been coughing for about 5 days. The MDs in the local government clinics advised me to breastfeed more frequently, since it was not advisable to give cough syrups to newborn babies.

Both babies were sleeping, but Uwais hardly wakes up for his feeds. Each time after Fawwaz completed his 'turn', I woke Uwais up for feed. He sucked once or twice, then doze back off to sleep. I thought it was just motion sickness from the long car ride two days back, and it might be a reaction from the one month immunisation jabs.

But after subuh prayers, the mother's instinct knew that something was not right. I picked up Uwais, he was cold but breathing. Fawwaz was active like he normally is. I called a good friend of mine, Pipah, a pediatrician, and she advised me to visit the government clinic as soon as possible. 

We left the house, with all the five children and rushed to the local clinic, which was about 7 minutes from home. At the traffic light near the clinics, Uwais, who was wrapped warmly in my arms turned bluish on his lips. 

As we arrived in the emergency room at the Klinik Kesihatan Wakaf Tengah, I shouted for help. A familiar nurse came and urgently put Uwais on a bed, putting a big helmet-looking dome on top of Uwais head, and quickly poked the oxygen hose into the dome. Within seconds, Uwais cried and responded to the treatment. His hands were waving and kicked his tiny feet wearily. Alhamdulillah. Only Allah knows how helpless I was.

Dr S came to the ER, and she was terribly shock since I just visited her the day before for consultation regarding the boys' coughing symptoms. She immediately advised me to admit Uwais to the hospital for observation. So in a super rapid ambulance, we traveled from Wakaf Tengah to Kuala Terengganu in 15 minutes (the journey usually takes 30minutes)!!

2 hours in the ER and everything was well. We were sent to a pediatrics ward, and within 5 minutes, a group of doctors came to Uwais' bed for their ward rounds. Two of the docs were suddenly signalling each other, and I knew something was VERY wrong. One of them asked me to stand away while they were performing CPR to Uwais. He stopped breathing, again. Within the 15 minutes, Uwais stopped breathing 4 times.

He was rushed to Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU), again, he turned blue. The two paeds specialists worked hand in hand quickly and in half an hour, Dr N called me in. As I saw Uwais, I kept my emotions in control though it hurt me to the core, looking at his body being poked on both his arms, hands, and feet. He was intubated, fully using the breathing support because his irregular breathing pattern. Dr N and her team was still in the process of diagnosing his illness. I asked about Fawwaz, since I knew Fawwaz's cough was worse. She advised me to bring him in as well.

Ammar Uwais, 3rd day in NICU, HSNZ. Extubated from the breathing support, Alhamdulillah.

~~ Fast forward - 6 days later ~~

I 'checked-out' from 5A ward, and both Ammar Uwais and Affif Fawwaz were discharged from their respective wards (6CD and NICU). Yes, all of us were under the same roof but being located in three different wards. They were diagnosed with pneumonia, and it got worse since they were premature babies and their organs were still under-developed.

Discharged day, 11.12.11

HSNZ charged nothing for the comfortable and superb service given to all three of us. Alhamdulillah. A HUGE BIG Thank you to the Neonatal wards (NICU, 6CD, 5A) staff for their great support and service.

Lesson learned;

1. Parents, especially mothers, please don't get panic if something gets (really) wrong to our children. We can't think straight in panic mode. Keep calm. Zikr, salawat syifa'.
2. When your child(ren) is ill, act quickly, especially parents with premature babies. 
3. Trust government hospitals. They have very capable hands. They charge minimally, and it's usually FOC for government servants. 
4. You need support, physically and especially, emotionally. Alhamdulillah, my husband is a very responsible husband and father. He took care of the three older kids on his own for the week, and still came to visit us in the hospital everyday during lunchtime. And alhamdulillah for my wonderful and supportive parents who drove up to Terengganu to help out. The emotional support was needed and longed-for. 
5. Never give up hope, and never stop asking help from Allah. It was devastating to see your child being poked all over and looking so lifeless. Talk to Him, pray to Him. He listens to you. 
6. Ask questions to the Specialist. You need to know what's wrong, what's better, and what can be done to help your child(ren) gets well quicker. It's their job to answer our query.
7. Be there for your sick child. Talk to them, give them gentle strokes even they are babies. They will somehow know we are there. It's devastating to see a lot of babies in NICU unit being left to struggle alone to survive.

 Wallahu'alam