What I learn from '35 ways of Sharing and Showing Quality Time with My Munchkins'.

It’s easy for us to say “I love you” but those three words, devoid of action and the gift of our quality time, are simply that—just words.  As the new generation of parents, lets try to exemplify loving sentiments and affections, let us show our children just how special they really are.

35 simple ways to show your child love:

1. Plan to watch movie they want to see. Make your own popcorns. Switch off the lights. Lots of pillows and cuddles!
2. Go on a treasure hunt (collect all the loose change around the house/car) together and then make a trip to the arcade with your findings.
3. Take a long nature walk together, at their pace.  Let them lead the conversation.
4. Find qualities about them that you genuinely love, and compliment them in front of others.
5. Frame a photo of the two of you, and display it in their room.
6. Play a game with them.
7. Let them win.
8. Make bath time special.  Add lots of bubbles, colored soaps, maybe you could purchase a new tub toy or let them play with things found around the house.  I let my kids play with things like colanders and funnels from the kitchen—they love it. 
9. Send them a handmade card in the mail with a coupon to go get ice cream with you.
10. Using blankets and chairs, or a card table, build a clubhouse together and have a picnic inside.
11. Read “I love you” books together.
12. Let them stay up past their bedtime with you and watch something together.
13. Do a chore that is normally reserved for them.
14. Tuck an encouraging note inside their lunchbox.
15. Give them your full attention.
16. Tell them some of the ways they make you happy.
17. Make them laugh.
18. Laugh with them.
19. Make their favorite treat to welcome them home from school with.
20. Show them your joy when they arrive.
21. Ask for hugs and kisses.
22. Listen, and let them make their own decisions whenever possible.
23. Take a day off from everything: work, household duties, technology, etc. and focus entirely on them.
24. Cook together.
25. Write them a poem using the initials of their name.
26. Decorate their room for no reason.
27. Kidnap them from school and take them out for lunch.
28. Make home a fun place to be.
29. Make a treasure box from an old shoe box, fill it with “gold” (chocolate coins) and make an official looking treasure map with clues for them to locate the hidden treasure with.
30. Go to the store and let them pick out all the ingredients to make banana splits.  Make and eat them together.
31. Wrap up in a warm blanket together in an aircond room and take turns making up stories to tell each other.
32. Make a list of things you love about them and put it on their pillow before bedtime.
33. Talk about what they did in their day at dinnertime.
34. Sit down together and write a list of fun activities to do in a day.  Write each idea on small slips of paper, roll up the papers and stick them inside balloons.  Blow up all the balloons and then pop one balloon at a time until you’ve completed all the activities.
35. Play back rub/tickle games—ie; Spider crawling up your back… 

Sharing, adopting and adapting a lovely entry...

What I learn from 'time-out vs time-in'

Grumpy young man... oh yes, he can be one!

 What consequences do you use when your kids misbehave?

I used time-out sessions for my kids. It worked to a certain extend, but not anymore... it has just lost its 'power' to heal the bad manners. But Alhamdulillah, today, Allah grants me an idea of conducting a 'time-in'.

'TIME-IN' can be accomplished by sending your child to a designated spot where he must complete a task that has a definite beginning and end. This could be putting together a small puzzle, memorising a line/two from a surah, completing 3 pages of revision book, scrub their shoes, clean and clear a certain area of the house which is toy messy, peeling carrots.. any activity that can has a definite beginning and end . A 'time-in' diverts his energies and encourages him to focus on something positive.

Re-arranging the books is a good time-in activity, especially books with numerical orders (i.e. Mr Men collection.)

Another way to teach our children, in every action, there is a consequence, we  create a homemade "Correction" can. This works when the children can understand that if they do bad things, they need to face the outcome. And the outcome is time in using the "Correction" can. 

In every action, there is a consequence - good and bad. Teach our child to choose the correct action

We fill it with tickets or slips of paper with various consequences written on them. Instead of giving your child a time-out, send her to the can for a slip. A few ideas might include no TV or computer after school or an extra chore.We also toss in a blank piece of paper, a "mercy" ticket, which gives us an opportunity to talk about how Allah gives us mercy even when we deserve punishment (I personally love this tix.. there are lots of stories of the prophets showing Allah's mercy. My children love stories, and sometimes it serves a better purpose then time-out/in!)

Fill in this can with various consequences as well as "mercy" tickets. A good way to use your scrap paper, as well as to source out house chores to your children!

What I learn is that, disciplining our children takes dedication and effort.  It also helps to mix in a little creativity when needed. 

Wallahu'alam.

What I learn from 'a lying incident...'

'What happened to my wall, Yusuf?'

'I don't know. Alwani did it!'

'Alwani did what?'

'Alwani took a 'koko' (brown) marker pen and she did like this..' (while demonstrating how the graffiti was done)

Background noise: Alwani's whimpering, denying the accusations which was rather annoying, noisy and not needed!
'Was it fun?'
'Yes!...... eh.... I want bread please....' (Trapped & diversion.. yes, this child can be very cheeky!!)

Should he be punished? How?

So, as parents, what will you do?

I must admit, addressing the problem of lying isn’t easy, as there’s no one thing you can do to make the problem go away, including using punishment. In fact, punishment will only make things worse. HOWEVER, it needs to be addressed, as early as it happens.

1. Ask instead of accuse.

If you catch your child lying, work on figuring out why she felt like she couldn’t tell you the truth. You can gently say, “That sounds a bit far-fetched. You must be worried about telling me what really happened. Let’s talk about that.” By opening the conversation this way, you’ll get the real story — and information that can clue you in on how to get her to demonstrate honesty in the future. 

p/s: Try not to get other children to join in the conversation, she/he might get embarrassed, angry and annoyed, which make it hard for him/her to be honest. Make this conversation private and personal.

2. Observe how us, parents, respond to our kids when they misbehave or make a poor choice.

Even adults will lie to protect themselves from punishment or an unpleasant outcome when they do something wrong — so why should we expect anything different from our kids? True isn't it?

So, try to work on using a "calm voice" (which is not easy when you're angry!) to address bad behavior and avoid lectures and 'physical torture'. Our child will feel safe telling the truth when the mommies are not behaving like wild tigress!

3. Make the most of mistakes.

Kids who aren’t yelled at or punished for messing up will be more likely to admit it when they do (next time). And when they fess up, turn the mistake into a learning opportunity. Use this chance to teach your child the 'better ways' to tell Ummi and Abi what happened,  

'Kakak and Abang were using the white boards, and Yusuf hasn't got one, and I really need to write..' (and at this time, he nodded furiously!! hahah!) 

And, I used this situation to teach him that it's not nice to lie and accuse others, 'Do you like Adib (his friend at school) to say, "Ustazah, Yusuf messes up the toys" when you didn't?' (he shook his head)' and what would you feel?'

'I feel bad...' (eyes drooping like puss in boots!!! Sheeeshhh.. this drama king!)

Insya Allah, he'll react honestly when he messes up!

4. Encourage honesty.

Whenever our child tells the truth about something difficult, commend her. “I bet it was hard to tell the truth. You really showed some courage. Thanks for taking responsibility.”

note: Praise our (guilty) child in front of the other children since they will know that Ummi & Abi love people who tells the truth.

Telling the truth is not easy, but we need to instill it!

5. Love unconditionally.

Our children need to know that while sometimes, we don’t like their behavior, we’ll love them no matter what kind of mistakes they make. Make every effort to show them they are loved (hugs are good, easy and free!) and they’ll be more likely to open up. 

Cuddles help! (but you don't have to make that kind of face, Azza!) haha!

 6. Watch our own “white lies."

'Oh.. I was busy yesterday, the twins were crying all day, that's why I didn't pick it up' but your child knows that the twins were fine yesterday and you were actually busy completing your photobook! 

When we let a “white lie” slip, our kids think they’re acceptable. We’ve heard it before: set a good example!

By creating a safe environment for the truth in our household, we’ll see a lot more honesty. Better yet, we’ll be helping our children develop the kinds of character traits that will serve them well throughout her life, insha Allah.

Wallahu'alam.
 

What I learn from 'Alwani's visit to the skin specialist'.

Going to the hospital for any reason — or even just going to the doctor for routine vaccinations — isn’t fun for a child. Alwani was a happy lassy as we entered the hospital, she was determined to get rid of the big wart on her right thumb. She has complained a few times, saying that the wart made it quite uncomfortable for her to write and to use the colour pencils. 

But her happy facial expression changed dramatically when the MD pressed the wart with liquid nitrogen. A single tears at the beginning, then changed to a stream of uncontrollable cry. 

Alwani's wart after the treatment, before, it was triple the size.

 

For momsies, this is what I've learned from Alwani's get-rid-of-the-wart experience..

Don't Say "This Won't Hurt" When It Will

It is important for parents to tell the truth in an age-appropriate way without overwhelming your child. If you smile and tell her “This won’t hurt,” and then it does hurt, your child will have evidence that you lied and begin to wonder what else you’re lying about. You will have lost some credibility at a time when you need it the most. What I told her, 

“Alwani sayang, in a few minutes the doctor will press a cotton bud on your wart. On it, the doctor will put some very cold liquid called nitrogen. It will be very cold, and it will sting. I know you don’t want to, but there are no choices about that. But we need to get you well so that your thumb wont hurt when you write.'

Telling the Truth Without Scaring Your Child

Emphatise to your child who is sickly.  Offer her choices  in a loving tone. Here’s an example from our experience:

Ummi:  'Since you are putting a huge effort to be a brave girl, you have five/six other choices though.

1. You get to tell the doctor when to begin. After saying bismillah and the count of three?
2. You get to decide if you want to cry or not cry. Either way is fine with me.
3. You get to decide if you want to squeeze my hand or squeeze the sheet.
4. You get to decide if you want to keep your eyes open or closed while the doctor does her job.
5. And you get to decide which flavor of ice cream you want when it’s all over.
6. Or you might want to think of which book do you want to buy at the book shop. The princess colouring book, maybe?' (This keeps her calm until the doctor is ready to do the procedure.)

Make sure to bring activity & reading books during hospital visits. It takes a while....

Depending on the age of the child, I try to be truthful about the body, the medicine and how it heals, my way (and it might not be the best way scientifically! haha). I told Alwani that pressing the cold nitrogen will kill the root of the wart that is planted in her thumb, just like stomping hard on the roots of Ummi's mini roses (Yusuf just did exactly that a few days back). The doctor need to kill it so that it will dissapear and it will be easier and more comfortable for you to enjoy your colouring activities, insha Allah. Why not let a child use his or her imagination to do the same? After all, no one is better at using his or her imagination than a child.

Telling the truth and giving many choices allows a child to trust you enough to summon up her courage to better deal with the situation. Once courageous, she’s more likely to be empowered enough to do whatever is needed to get well, insha Allah.

Gambar hiasan, tiada kaitan dengan ketuat ataupun hospital, haha..: Alwani's home made birthday cuppies

Wallahu'alam.

What I learn from 'cooking shortcuts'

My super wise Mak and I.

Mak has taught me a lot of practical things. This is one of the most practised, ever since I became a mom myself. Spending less time in the kitchen daily is the objective - in order to spend more quality time with the children when they are at home. And so, these are some of the shortcuts I've been making use of...

(p/s: Alhamdulillah for having a husband who is not a fussy eater.. Love you more and more, Abang!)

 Cook a “Big Batch” Recipe Weekly

I make big batches of food, like bolognese sauce, curry, masak lomak cili api (without the yoghurt/coconut milk), soup, stocks, tom yam soup (add in more veggies and chook/prawn/squid later) so there are lots of leftovers to be heated up for dinner for the rest of the week. One of my favorite ‘big batch’ recipes to make is home made sauce for pasta. My kids actually thank me every time I make this, which melts my heart. 

Frozen batches for this week!

Freeze, Freeze, Freeze

Then I'll freeze them in my ever-so-faithful tupperwares in small batches, so it is easy for me to heat them up. I label my tuppsies on top, so that I know what's inside. Then a small list to be placed on the fridge, so that I know what is there and has been chomped!

 

To save time, I always marinate a big batch of ground beef and chicken with the normal tumeric and salt, and sometimes with the satay paste. So, when one of the kids are in need of ayam goreng 'Upin Ipin' style (fried chooks), I can make it in 3 steps - open the freezer, thaw, fry!

Mak taught me to make a big batch of cupcakes/curry puffs/sausage rolls/samosas on the weekend with the kids (fantastic fun activity here, moms!). Parbake them. Then, they can be stored in the freezer for months. It's fab if you love to entertain (surprised) guests as well!

What's left freezing in the freezer?

Pre-Chop Veggies

Onions, chillies of all sorts, garlic, tumeric.. I pre-process them to make my life easier. Then I store them in colourful tuppsies in the fridge, which look pretty and are enjoyable to use, instead of plastic bags, which can get kind of sticky. This really cut off your prep time, which means more time for the familia!

Since we love our chillies, I even pickled my chillies for fried noodles/kuey tiaw and chilled a tupperware of sambal belacan! Yes, I confess that I dont like to stay in the kitchen too long! =D

My pickled chillies, half empty! And other sort of pre-prepared shortcuts chilling in the fridge!

Use Pre-Packaged Pastes as Bases

A true confession of a studying/working mom  - 'I cheat in the kitchen!' (<---- it's ME!!)

Hey, if it makes my life easier, just half an hour (MAX) in the kitchen, and the result is delicious, why not?!

Since I love this product so much (Seri Tunjung, uolls!), I do sell them to other busy momsies like me! Sharing is caring (and it can be a wonderful side income, too!)

Wide range of VERY TASTY products (<-- promo!! hahah).

And you know what, short cuts or long drive, it is important for us moms to try to cook for our husband and children most of the time. It's crucial since you know the ingredients you are using are halal, clean and fresh (ish).. and when you cook, you always put the extra ingredients that you cant buy anywhere, LOVE, ZIKR and DU'As. Remember, stir in your food with them... insha Allah, you'll get healthy family filled with His barakah.

And always make du'a for Mak.. many of them!


Wallahu'alam...

What I learn from 'reward vs bribe'

Teaching our own kids to memorise Al Quran is a challenge. My husband and I have to find more and more ways to motivate Al Fateh (just him, for now) to enjoy the hafazan session. 

At the moment, rewarding him is the best motivation. 

But my husband once asked me, 'Is this a good way to teach him? Is not a bribery?' Good point..

So, after consolidating with the notions of reward vs bribe, these are my definitions of the two variables (eh.. bunyi macam research paper lah pulakkk...)

REWARD - gift(s) given AFTER a goal or an objective has been achieved.
BRIBE - gift(s) given BEFORE the task even started.

For this reason, I continue on the 'reward system' that we've been using, so far, it has been proven to be successful - a boy who is highly motivated, have longer concentration, persevere (though Ummi asked him to repeat nearly 50 times!). 

Good boy, Al Fateh! Masha Allah.

After completing his monthly review, he merrily received his reward.

May Allah give us the strength, perseverance and time to teach our children the Quran.
May Allah eases Al Fateh's (and his siblings) journeys in memorising and keeping the ayatullah in tact in their minds.
May Allah replenishes and sparks our ideas in teaching our kids to be great caliphs of Allah.

Aamin Ya Rabb...

Al Fateh hafazan checklist.. need to be done frequently so that the memory retains, insha Allah.

What I learn from 'Alwani & the Flip Flop'.

Do you have a child who loves to help out around the house?

I do (and luckily my quality control standard is not that high.. haahha). As long as she's happy and willing to help (and not making a bigger mess out of a small mess), I'm game.

I found a tool to make her life easier. A tool that helped her enjoy house work. A tool that wouldn't make me do double work (as in to refold the my husband's clothes).

Introducing.. Alwani's Flip Flop!!

 

  

Cool, kan?

What I learn...

1. We need to introduce house chores to the kids as early as possible. It teaches them to be responsible. We teach them as early as they can understand simple instruction, i.e. Please place your cup/bottle in the sink (which is more practical than you and the whole family hunting for the missing bottle later!)

2. When they know how easy it is to clean up small mess, and how hard it can be to clean up big mess, they will be more responsible by not making big mess... they will tell each other to clean up before it becomes massive (and before Ummi turns into monster!)

3. Tools (the not dangerous ones) can help you to make life easier. Tools can actually train your child to be independent in finishing their chores. I left Alwani to fold her clothes on her own while I can finish other things. She is a responsible girl, masha Allah.  

4. Praising your child after finishing each chores is essential. A simple hug is a HUGE reward. By telling your husband (in front of your child) of her/his good deeds will surely boast her confidence and motivation in helping more. 

5. Don't complain if their work is not up to your standard! He/She is only a child! Remember, practice makes perfect! 

6. If you have more than 1 child, don't burden the child that loves to help (or the child which can do the work fastest or the one which lives up to your standard) with everything. Division of work is important. She/He would feel unmotivated quickly if being buried with house chores while others are having fun playing blocks. Sharing house chores creates the feeling of togetherness... (and to remind the unhelpful ones that there's no escape!!)

Wallahu'allam.

What I learn from 'the merit stickers'

I first started using stickers during my teaching days in Al Hidayah Islamic School, Bentley, Perth, Australia. I wanted to motivate the Year 3 children to do well, and to do better than they always do. 

Those days were gone, but now I have a group of more crucial students. My children.

Sticker books bought by Kak Ti @ Red Dot Perth.

An example of how I use the sticker (in Bacalah Anakku Book, as they completed them).

For Al Fateh, it is a reward for him to do a single activity seriously, neatly and cautiously. At times, he can be too relaxed with his homework or other academic activities. Telling him that a sticker will be awarded to him if he does well, voila! He suddenly switches his character and become a more diligent boy. No joke!

For Alwani, it is an incentive for her to read, and not to get flustered easily. This simple tiny stickers can actually help me to get a little more cooperation from my young student.

In addition, I started giving Alwani stickers when she was four for behaving well, and for helping me out with little chores... nowadays, since it had became a routine to her, no stickers were needed, and the good behaviour and deeds that she learned earlier 'stick'ed till now (and in the future, insha Allah). Alhamdulillah.

What I learned from using these merit stickers together with a reward chart;

1. They are powerful tools to

• encourage behaviour you want, such as read a book/page a day,
• discourage behaviour you don’t want, such as not sharing or shouting
• reward your child for practising new skills, such as placing the cups in the sink after drinking or putting all the toys in a box when asked and even to eat veggies!

2.  It's a wonderful practice for parents to catch our child being good (as oppose to shout when they misbehave!). It’s a good idea to reward the behaviour as soon as we see it – since our child might lose motivation if his/her efforts aren’t being noticed.

3.   My children engage more readily if they helped choosing their final reward – Magnum/Slurpee treat, playing with sand at the beach, fried chooks for dinner... (my kids are easy to please!!)

A beach outing after house cleaning and group car wash!

Please share your experience in the comment box, too!

p/s Thanks kak Ti for buying my sticker top-ups in Perth. It's pretty hard to find them here! Cheap ones, I mean ;D

What I learn from 'being a convert'.

Yes, I converted.

When my husband was brainstorming on his book, Ketika Alam Bertasbih,  one of the concerns was regarding the health of the environment. My kids and I are among the contributors of the waste which takes a long time to perish... dirty diapers.

Doing a short and simple research on the net, I discovered that cloth diapers (CD) are now so trendy and affordable. No more safety pins and plain white muslins! And so, I converted from disposable diapers (DD) to CDs.

Why?

CDs are cheaper than DDs. My rule of thumb, if things can be reuse, it must be cheaper. Dont you think so? I remembered spending RM30 (minimum) fortnightly for 30 months for Al Fateh and Alwani buying DDs, which comes to nearly spending RM2K on rubbish (well, at the end of the day, we're going to chuck them in the bin, isn't it?)

Now, just imagine having three kids using DDs at one time like me, at this moment! At least RM300/month will be spent on DDs. It's a blessing that Allah gave me the idea to convert! Alhamdulillah!

Yusuf and his CDs

CDs are healthier than DDs. CDs are free of the many chemicals contained in disposable diapers. Dioxin, which in various forms has been shown to cause cancer, birth defects, liver damage, skin diseases, and genetic damage, is a by-product of the paper-bleaching process used in manufacturing disposable diapers. 

CDs - showing that we care for the environment. It's rough in Terengganu where the rubbish collection system is far from advanced. We need to 'carry' our rubbish to the big communal bins on the main road. No, we dont have private black thrash bin in front of our houses. 

So, just imagine having big heavy loads of DDs before departing to the communal bins - the smell, the bulk. Then, just by sitting our air conditioned car, we can smell the stench of the bins as we pass them. Now, imagine having 1000 times greater amount of stenched DDs and other rubbish on the landfill. Astaghfirullah. This is one of the reasons why I converted, it's my small contribution to the world. 

CDs are fancier - they are soft, comfortable and have many wonderful prints (and the price ranges from RM15 to RM100 each!). Yes, I agree that I have a bit more laundry to do then  before, but hey, I enjoy long showers. It's therapeutic! =D

Fawwaz, wearing the same nappy as Yusuf. Credit to Shafis for the photo!

What I learn from 'Al Fateh's last day on Iqra''

Al Fateh managed to complete his Iqra at the age of 5, alhamdulillah. 

We also thank Allah for bestowing us patients and determination in setting a good role model amongst Al Fateh's siblings.Yes, there are some days when he really test our patients to the core - not being serious and more interested in doing something else. But as parents, the need to set a straight forward rule is essential. And we have to stick to it, however cheeky a child can be.

Kids needs routine, kids love routine. Al Fateh knew that he has his practices of Iqra' after maghrib (almost) daily.

During Majlis Khatam Quran Negeri Terengganu, October, 2011.

But I must admit, the issue has a deeper root than that.

The need for young adults to understand the importance to find a wife/husband who has (good and in-depth) knowledge of Islam, and put a minimum requirement for him/her to at least pray 5 times a day and can recite the Quran well. Having a husband who is well versed had strongly assisted the teaching process for Al Fateh, alhamdulillah, since there were days when the younger kids tended to be cranky.

It's important so that we, as ladies will be very sure that our lives (and the children's) will always be in the path of Allah. Once you've put that requirement, it's crucial that you have to match it too! And be sure, that Allah has promised that 'And good women (are) for good men, and good men (are) for good women. [Quran 24:26]

We, as parents, however busy we are with our lives and career, we need to find time to fulfill our duties towards our kids. We always remind ourselves that we will be held accountable for this trust on the Day of Judgment. We, as parents, are essentially responsible for the moral, ethical and the basic and essential religious teachings of their children. I remembered in one of our sisters' gathering when this hadith of Rasulullah s.a.w. was told, it gave me shivers:

"Take care! Each of you is a shepherd and each of you shall be asked concerning his flock; a leader is a shepherd of his people, and he shall be asked concerning his flock; and a man is a shepherd of the people of his house, and he shall be asked concerning his flock; and a woman is a shepherd of the house of her husband and over their children, and she shall be asked concerning them.” [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim] 

 

From Al Fateh's Iqra' journey, I learned that as a mother, I must always be aware that I am serving as a role model in my behavior, and my attitudes. Every mother should be conscious of her role and do her best to make it beneficial for the development of her children as they set out on the journey of life. And it all starts from home.

Another lesson learned is that we can and should teach our own child! YES, WE CAN! Especially the basics of reading. Just imagine how much good deeds we would collect when our children start to read the Quran and other books or media. We ourselves, with our own hands, have taught them each and every single letter. Masha Allah. May Allah fosters determination and patients for us to teach our own, aamin.

  p/s: Ya Allah, please give me the same strength in teaching Alwani, Yusuf, Fawwaz & Uwais on how to read! Aamin. 

What I learn 'when Uwais turns blue!'

Ammar Uwais and Affif Fawwaz had been coughing for about 5 days. The MDs in the local government clinics advised me to breastfeed more frequently, since it was not advisable to give cough syrups to newborn babies.

Both babies were sleeping, but Uwais hardly wakes up for his feeds. Each time after Fawwaz completed his 'turn', I woke Uwais up for feed. He sucked once or twice, then doze back off to sleep. I thought it was just motion sickness from the long car ride two days back, and it might be a reaction from the one month immunisation jabs.

But after subuh prayers, the mother's instinct knew that something was not right. I picked up Uwais, he was cold but breathing. Fawwaz was active like he normally is. I called a good friend of mine, Pipah, a pediatrician, and she advised me to visit the government clinic as soon as possible. 

We left the house, with all the five children and rushed to the local clinic, which was about 7 minutes from home. At the traffic light near the clinics, Uwais, who was wrapped warmly in my arms turned bluish on his lips. 

As we arrived in the emergency room at the Klinik Kesihatan Wakaf Tengah, I shouted for help. A familiar nurse came and urgently put Uwais on a bed, putting a big helmet-looking dome on top of Uwais head, and quickly poked the oxygen hose into the dome. Within seconds, Uwais cried and responded to the treatment. His hands were waving and kicked his tiny feet wearily. Alhamdulillah. Only Allah knows how helpless I was.

Dr S came to the ER, and she was terribly shock since I just visited her the day before for consultation regarding the boys' coughing symptoms. She immediately advised me to admit Uwais to the hospital for observation. So in a super rapid ambulance, we traveled from Wakaf Tengah to Kuala Terengganu in 15 minutes (the journey usually takes 30minutes)!!

2 hours in the ER and everything was well. We were sent to a pediatrics ward, and within 5 minutes, a group of doctors came to Uwais' bed for their ward rounds. Two of the docs were suddenly signalling each other, and I knew something was VERY wrong. One of them asked me to stand away while they were performing CPR to Uwais. He stopped breathing, again. Within the 15 minutes, Uwais stopped breathing 4 times.

He was rushed to Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU), again, he turned blue. The two paeds specialists worked hand in hand quickly and in half an hour, Dr N called me in. As I saw Uwais, I kept my emotions in control though it hurt me to the core, looking at his body being poked on both his arms, hands, and feet. He was intubated, fully using the breathing support because his irregular breathing pattern. Dr N and her team was still in the process of diagnosing his illness. I asked about Fawwaz, since I knew Fawwaz's cough was worse. She advised me to bring him in as well.

Ammar Uwais, 3rd day in NICU, HSNZ. Extubated from the breathing support, Alhamdulillah.

~~ Fast forward - 6 days later ~~

I 'checked-out' from 5A ward, and both Ammar Uwais and Affif Fawwaz were discharged from their respective wards (6CD and NICU). Yes, all of us were under the same roof but being located in three different wards. They were diagnosed with pneumonia, and it got worse since they were premature babies and their organs were still under-developed.

Discharged day, 11.12.11

HSNZ charged nothing for the comfortable and superb service given to all three of us. Alhamdulillah. A HUGE BIG Thank you to the Neonatal wards (NICU, 6CD, 5A) staff for their great support and service.

Lesson learned;

1. Parents, especially mothers, please don't get panic if something gets (really) wrong to our children. We can't think straight in panic mode. Keep calm. Zikr, salawat syifa'.
2. When your child(ren) is ill, act quickly, especially parents with premature babies. 
3. Trust government hospitals. They have very capable hands. They charge minimally, and it's usually FOC for government servants. 
4. You need support, physically and especially, emotionally. Alhamdulillah, my husband is a very responsible husband and father. He took care of the three older kids on his own for the week, and still came to visit us in the hospital everyday during lunchtime. And alhamdulillah for my wonderful and supportive parents who drove up to Terengganu to help out. The emotional support was needed and longed-for. 
5. Never give up hope, and never stop asking help from Allah. It was devastating to see your child being poked all over and looking so lifeless. Talk to Him, pray to Him. He listens to you. 
6. Ask questions to the Specialist. You need to know what's wrong, what's better, and what can be done to help your child(ren) gets well quicker. It's their job to answer our query.
7. Be there for your sick child. Talk to them, give them gentle strokes even they are babies. They will somehow know we are there. It's devastating to see a lot of babies in NICU unit being left to struggle alone to survive.

 Wallahu'alam


   

What I learn from 'love at first sight'.

No matter how painful the pregnancy journey and labour were, the first sight of my boys demolished all the hardship. That's Allah's special gift to us mothers. Immediate cure. Subhanallah. 

3 days old twins. (Look at my HUGE hands as a comparison to the teeny twins!)

Lesson learned, after every hardship, Allah will always bestow us ease and relieve. And the beauty of it is, you forgot how bad the hardship was, since your heart is overflowing with happiness and gratefulness towards His gifts for you..

Praise be to Allah.

Abi and the twins - the first met face to face on their 10th day.

Abi experienced, once again, love at first sight... unconditional love of a father.

Previously, my husband first saw his twins via Skype from Mecca. He arrived on KT2 flight from Jeddah and met his latest clans on their 10th day off-womb. Alhamdulillah... And in 2011... Abi was the biggest winner, a wonderful hajj experience, a book and a set of twins!

Love you & Bravo, Abang!

What I learn from 'You'll never walk alone 1 - Caesarean experience'

Firstly, no... this entry has no connection with Liverpool (though my husband is a die-hard Liverpool fan!)

This entry is dedicated to the O&G team in Hospital Tuanku Jaafar Seremban who had been wonderfully calm and reassuring throughout the labour process of my twins.

~~~ Flash back ~~ 

I'm only at my 34th week of pregnancy but the signs of labour pains were becoming vivid. Swollen feet, severe back pain, the persistent and consistent pain of contractions. But of course, as always, I was in denial. Just another Braxton Hicks. I have been in labour three times previously, and I was pretty sure how the 'real-actual' labour feels like..

Nonetheless, since my husband was away performing his Hajj (May Allah bestows him ease in his Hajj and accepts all his ibadah,  aamin Ya Rabb!), I was in the fantastic, 1st class care of my parents. Mak looked cool and relaxed (she saw me delivered Al Fateh and Alwani in King Eddie!), kept on saying 'Say your zikr,' but Abah was the opposite. He rarely saw me in pain, and I think it's hard for dads to see their daughters (and sons) in a super uncomfortable phase. And so, he pleaded (and begged) me to pay a visit to the hospital.

Being an obedient daughter, I followed his suggestion, though I'm pretty sure I was not in real labour (still in denial, ahak!!). So,at 2.45pm 3.11.11, I went to the screening room of the O&G department with my battered pink pregnancy book. And gave myself up to the Med Team of HTJS, literally and physically!

~~

2.50pm

No, I was not dilated (well, only 2cm) but the MD was concern since my contractions were pretty close and long (4 in 10mins). Then I was wheeled to see the Head of the O&G, Dr K, and did the ultrasound, to see whether the twins were behaving themselves in there. And yes they were, at 34weeks & 6days, Dr K estimated them to be 2.3 kgs each. Then THE question asked, 

'Are you ready to have your twins today?' As easy as that!?!! 

- 'Aren't you busy doc?' (still in denial!! Oh Azza, come on!!!). 

He said, 'I'm free at six, we can have it done then!'

- 'Can I text my hubs, first?' (texting... tit tit tit...)

(answered, Semoga Allah permudahkan urusan ayang. Abang doakan semuanya selamat dan Allah menyediakan segalanya yang terbaik. Terima kasih kerana menjadi seorang mujahidah yang tabah dan isteri yang solehah)

'What did he say?'

- 'Errmmm, yes?! He said go on with the procedure'.

4pm

Papers were signed, blood were taken, hospital gown were given.

5pm

I was wheeled to the prep area aka labour hall. Lying down, listening to my 'neighbours' screeching, huffing and puffing, grunting and squealing - fighting their own lives for another one. 

I silently prayed that Allah grant them ease and to me too. 

I prayed for my husband, Abah and Mak to be calm and not to worry too much about me. 

I prayed that my kids at home aren't misbehaving.

I prayed for the ease of the caesarean procedure.

I prayed that my aurat would not be opened unnecessarily.

I prayed a lot... (as I was taught by a Lebanese friend, back in Muslim Ladies College in Perth that it is during this specific time that our prayers would be heard and answered, insha Allah.)

A friendly and soft spoken staff nurse came to me and told me gently that she was going to insert a catheter into my bladder and she told me to stay calm and to recite alot of salawat upon Rasulullah s.a.w.

Another 10 minutes, another staff nurse (SN A) came in and told me that she heard me saying to an Indian nurse that I wanted to change into the op cap (looking like the green shower cap) only when I was in the OT. There are too many people here. And Alhamdulillah, she brought with her a special op cap which covered the head, as well as the neck. I changed straight away. Allah answers your prayers if you asked for help.. remember, you never walk alone!

6pm

SN A came again to my cubicle. She told me Dr Krishna called in and he might be half an hour late. SN A asked me if I would like to perform my Asr prayers first, but I need to do it sitting down. Alhamdullillah, Allah creates ways for me to make this experience more beautiful. SN A gave me spray bottle for my wudhu' and I performed my first Asr prayers on a hospital trolley!

6.45pm

I was wheeled into the OT. Even up to this time, I kept my composure calm and composed. I must admit that He must have supplied me an endless 'tranquil pills' - that's the power of zikr and salawat upon Rasulullah. I believed that Allah has assigned me this path, performing the c-sect, giving birth to twins alone-ish, giving birth in Seremban, and not in Kuala Terengganu, premature labour, etc. Nevertheless, He didn't make the path rougher, He wants to show me that His plans are the best...

To be continued in 'You'll never walk alone 2'..

What I learn from 'You'll never walk alone 2 - Caesarean experience'

Continuation from 'You'll Never Walk Alone 1'

7pm

I was greeted at the OT door by an anesthetist. Fluently verse in English and Malay, informing me all the risks performing spinal during the c-sect op. During the Q&A, I politely asked the anest that I really wanted a reassurance that the spinal would work during op, I had a bad experience with Yusuf, whereby the epidural didn't work since all the meds were tubed onto the hosp bed. 

She was very kind by telling me that she would prove to me it'd work. 'And don't stop your du'as and zikr, they are our weapons as Muslims', masha Allah, another support sent by Allah! Allahu Akbar!!

7.15 pm

I was wheeled into the actual OT where the operation would be held. I saw some familiar faces (SN A, Dr Anest) smiling under their surgical masks. By the way, I still had big contractions and in between one of the contractions, SN A and another nurse propped me up and asked me to recite salawat, bismillah and shahadah, and sit very still - so I did. After completing the shahadah, Dr Anest called, 'Spinal in' and patted my shoulder. Praise to Allah, it was done so smoothly that I was not in pain, and most importantly, I was not agitated!

(within a minute, I felt pin and needles on my toes then no sensation at all. I tried to wiggle my foot, but nothing happen. It was a weird feeling, I must admit!)

Dr Anest then came next to me with a pin, and said, 'Do you feel anything?'

- 'What do you mean doc?'

'I'm pricking your thigh..' (then she pricked the same pin onto my arms)

- 'Ouch!'

'So the meds is working, insha Allah. Dont worry, you are in superb hands. This surgical team is the best!' consoled Dr Anest.

- 'Alhamdulillah. Thanks alot Doc!'

Then a formal introduction begins. Yes, the have a taaruf session in the OT! They introduced themselves.

'First surgeon, Dr K'

'Second surgeon, Dr Q'

'Anesthetist, Dr Anest'

'Pediatrics, Dr X' 

'First catcher, SN A'

'2nd catcher, SN X'

'SN Y'

'SN Z'

'Patient?'

Silent...

'Patient?' called Dr K again.

- 'Oh I need to introduce myself as well?'

'Yes, ma'am!'

- 'Hi all, you're going to cut AZZA JAUHAR AHMAD TAJUDDIN'

And everybody laughed.

And so the procedure started. My bed was strategically situated under the shiny new aluminum lights, whereby the reflection was directly on the operated area. Yes, I was able to see the whole procedure, LIVE and EXCLUSIVE!! I can see people playing with the inside of my body!!! 

I faced the left, SN A told me gently not to face that side, since there was alot of tools.

I faced the right, another staff nurse told me that my bp reading was not stable if I face that way.

I looked up, shut my eyes, SN A called my name, I answered, she said please keep my eyes open, so that they knew that I was awake. 

Oh no!!! I need to look at the LIVE telecast!!!

Yes, I saw the surgeons cut three layers of my tummy, putting a 'transformers gadget' which opened up the cut to a nice size. slide through some organs (I think) and.......... taraaa... first twin in a pouch! It was grey! Dr K pulled it up and showed me and quickly handed him to the first catcher, '1945, first twin', announced Dr K.

The next minute, the second was pulled, another grey pouch. 'Just like in the shopping center, buy one get one free!' I exclaimed. 

Dr A chuckled then told me, 'I should tell my wife that! By the way, I have a set of twins too, both girls, SN A has a set of girls as well, Dr K has a boy and girl twins, Dr X the paeds is expecting twin boys!'

Dr K, 'A room full of privileged parents of twins!'

Then the sewing process took place. It took Dr K half an hour to sew me up. Upon finishing, Dr A quickly asked Dr K's permission to leave the OT to perform the maghrib prayers. Subhanallah, I was helped by good Muslims, alhamdulillah!

SN A and SN X then approached me with my boys! Masha Allah... those two babies were swimming in my womb minutes ago, and now, they are breathing on their own. Smooched them, confirmed their IDs on the blue tags on their feet and they were then moved to NICU.

Twin A, Twin B

2.1kg, 2.2kg

1945, 1946

3-11-11

Alhamdulillah Ya Allah for making the experience a beautiful one. You ease the way... thank you Allah.