What I learn from '35 ways of Sharing and Showing Quality Time with My Munchkins'.

It’s easy for us to say “I love you” but those three words, devoid of action and the gift of our quality time, are simply that—just words.  As the new generation of parents, lets try to exemplify loving sentiments and affections, let us show our children just how special they really are.

35 simple ways to show your child love:

1. Plan to watch movie they want to see. Make your own popcorns. Switch off the lights. Lots of pillows and cuddles!
2. Go on a treasure hunt (collect all the loose change around the house/car) together and then make a trip to the arcade with your findings.
3. Take a long nature walk together, at their pace.  Let them lead the conversation.
4. Find qualities about them that you genuinely love, and compliment them in front of others.
5. Frame a photo of the two of you, and display it in their room.
6. Play a game with them.
7. Let them win.
8. Make bath time special.  Add lots of bubbles, colored soaps, maybe you could purchase a new tub toy or let them play with things found around the house.  I let my kids play with things like colanders and funnels from the kitchen—they love it. 
9. Send them a handmade card in the mail with a coupon to go get ice cream with you.
10. Using blankets and chairs, or a card table, build a clubhouse together and have a picnic inside.
11. Read “I love you” books together.
12. Let them stay up past their bedtime with you and watch something together.
13. Do a chore that is normally reserved for them.
14. Tuck an encouraging note inside their lunchbox.
15. Give them your full attention.
16. Tell them some of the ways they make you happy.
17. Make them laugh.
18. Laugh with them.
19. Make their favorite treat to welcome them home from school with.
20. Show them your joy when they arrive.
21. Ask for hugs and kisses.
22. Listen, and let them make their own decisions whenever possible.
23. Take a day off from everything: work, household duties, technology, etc. and focus entirely on them.
24. Cook together.
25. Write them a poem using the initials of their name.
26. Decorate their room for no reason.
27. Kidnap them from school and take them out for lunch.
28. Make home a fun place to be.
29. Make a treasure box from an old shoe box, fill it with “gold” (chocolate coins) and make an official looking treasure map with clues for them to locate the hidden treasure with.
30. Go to the store and let them pick out all the ingredients to make banana splits.  Make and eat them together.
31. Wrap up in a warm blanket together in an aircond room and take turns making up stories to tell each other.
32. Make a list of things you love about them and put it on their pillow before bedtime.
33. Talk about what they did in their day at dinnertime.
34. Sit down together and write a list of fun activities to do in a day.  Write each idea on small slips of paper, roll up the papers and stick them inside balloons.  Blow up all the balloons and then pop one balloon at a time until you’ve completed all the activities.
35. Play back rub/tickle games—ie; Spider crawling up your back… 

Sharing, adopting and adapting a lovely entry...

What I learn from 'time-out vs time-in'

Grumpy young man... oh yes, he can be one!

 What consequences do you use when your kids misbehave?

I used time-out sessions for my kids. It worked to a certain extend, but not anymore... it has just lost its 'power' to heal the bad manners. But Alhamdulillah, today, Allah grants me an idea of conducting a 'time-in'.

'TIME-IN' can be accomplished by sending your child to a designated spot where he must complete a task that has a definite beginning and end. This could be putting together a small puzzle, memorising a line/two from a surah, completing 3 pages of revision book, scrub their shoes, clean and clear a certain area of the house which is toy messy, peeling carrots.. any activity that can has a definite beginning and end . A 'time-in' diverts his energies and encourages him to focus on something positive.

Re-arranging the books is a good time-in activity, especially books with numerical orders (i.e. Mr Men collection.)

Another way to teach our children, in every action, there is a consequence, we  create a homemade "Correction" can. This works when the children can understand that if they do bad things, they need to face the outcome. And the outcome is time in using the "Correction" can. 

In every action, there is a consequence - good and bad. Teach our child to choose the correct action

We fill it with tickets or slips of paper with various consequences written on them. Instead of giving your child a time-out, send her to the can for a slip. A few ideas might include no TV or computer after school or an extra chore.We also toss in a blank piece of paper, a "mercy" ticket, which gives us an opportunity to talk about how Allah gives us mercy even when we deserve punishment (I personally love this tix.. there are lots of stories of the prophets showing Allah's mercy. My children love stories, and sometimes it serves a better purpose then time-out/in!)

Fill in this can with various consequences as well as "mercy" tickets. A good way to use your scrap paper, as well as to source out house chores to your children!

What I learn is that, disciplining our children takes dedication and effort.  It also helps to mix in a little creativity when needed. 

Wallahu'alam.

What I learn from 'Al Fateh and Friday prayers'.

Teaching our children to live as Muslims is an OK task... but teaching them to love Islam and practice its teachings are big tasks. A task which each parent is responsible for. 

Friday prayers is the latest 'syllabus' that we are instilling in Al Fateh, for him to do it routinely (and as sincerely as possible). It's hard for him to go with a smile. Hey, I don't blame him, it is his weekend, he just came back from his tennis practice, his other siblings are happily at home, enjoying the swirling fan on the ceiling while he has to endure the stunning heat and glare outside. It's a big task for him to do it sincerely and without a hint of resentment. But as parents, we believe that we have to train them when they are ready and Islam has clearly suggested that at the age of 7 the children should be taught how to pray.

Friday sermons in Malaysia is not as children (or adults) friendly as the sermons we have attended in the UK or Australia. They are pre-suggested speech and the imaams have limited authority to change them. As a result, many enjoy these sermons as naptime story...

I remembered those teaching days in Australia, in a class full with Year 2 boys, I asked them as soon as they came back into the classroom after the Friday prayers, "What did you learn from the Friday sermons?" Each student had to write one on the whiteboard as they entered the classroom.

During the first few weeks, these 7-8 year old boys found it difficult to write. So I asked those who could not suggest anything to recite their istighfar 10 times outside the classroom, then they were allowed to enter the class. They did not like this punishment. However, after a few weeks, all would come into the class after Jumaah prayers and confidently wrote something on the board.

One particular scene is still fresh in my mind when Sheikh Yusuf Parker (the imam of the area) came into the class with my boys, then loudly exclaimed a long 'Aaahhhhh, now I understand why..' (after looking on the huge title on my whiteboard - WHAT DID YOU LEARN IN FRIDAY SERMONS?)

He then reported to me that one of my students, Abdul Qani, an energetic Somalian boy, raised up his hand during the Friday prayers and asked him questions. He boldly told the Sheikh that he didn't understand what he was saying and he needs to understand them because, "Sr Azza will ask us what we learn in the sermons". The Sheikh told me the congregation were impressed with his boldness and said their 'Takbir!'.

(Sheikh Yusuf Parker then re-told them the sermons using easier words, that's what the kids told me!)

In this simple event, I learned alot of things...

1. The imaam has a huge role in educating. They should learn to accommodate his congregation, old AND young (and whatever political background they have!).
2. Kids need to have a purpose in doing something - as parents, we need to set them. This will ensure that they are not doing things blindly, without any purpose (which also will mean wasting their time!)
3. When the kids understand that they have an objective to fill, the activity will be more meaningful (but please remind your children not to ask any question during Friday sermons! It was embarrassing for me!)
4. Never underestimate the power of reciting 'istighfar' loudly and publicly! hahah.. I thought it was a simple penalty, but it digs deep!

Wallahu'alam

What I learn from 'cooking shortcuts'

My super wise Mak and I.

Mak has taught me a lot of practical things. This is one of the most practised, ever since I became a mom myself. Spending less time in the kitchen daily is the objective - in order to spend more quality time with the children when they are at home. And so, these are some of the shortcuts I've been making use of...

(p/s: Alhamdulillah for having a husband who is not a fussy eater.. Love you more and more, Abang!)

 Cook a “Big Batch” Recipe Weekly

I make big batches of food, like bolognese sauce, curry, masak lomak cili api (without the yoghurt/coconut milk), soup, stocks, tom yam soup (add in more veggies and chook/prawn/squid later) so there are lots of leftovers to be heated up for dinner for the rest of the week. One of my favorite ‘big batch’ recipes to make is home made sauce for pasta. My kids actually thank me every time I make this, which melts my heart. 

Frozen batches for this week!

Freeze, Freeze, Freeze

Then I'll freeze them in my ever-so-faithful tupperwares in small batches, so it is easy for me to heat them up. I label my tuppsies on top, so that I know what's inside. Then a small list to be placed on the fridge, so that I know what is there and has been chomped!

 

To save time, I always marinate a big batch of ground beef and chicken with the normal tumeric and salt, and sometimes with the satay paste. So, when one of the kids are in need of ayam goreng 'Upin Ipin' style (fried chooks), I can make it in 3 steps - open the freezer, thaw, fry!

Mak taught me to make a big batch of cupcakes/curry puffs/sausage rolls/samosas on the weekend with the kids (fantastic fun activity here, moms!). Parbake them. Then, they can be stored in the freezer for months. It's fab if you love to entertain (surprised) guests as well!

What's left freezing in the freezer?

Pre-Chop Veggies

Onions, chillies of all sorts, garlic, tumeric.. I pre-process them to make my life easier. Then I store them in colourful tuppsies in the fridge, which look pretty and are enjoyable to use, instead of plastic bags, which can get kind of sticky. This really cut off your prep time, which means more time for the familia!

Since we love our chillies, I even pickled my chillies for fried noodles/kuey tiaw and chilled a tupperware of sambal belacan! Yes, I confess that I dont like to stay in the kitchen too long! =D

My pickled chillies, half empty! And other sort of pre-prepared shortcuts chilling in the fridge!

Use Pre-Packaged Pastes as Bases

A true confession of a studying/working mom  - 'I cheat in the kitchen!' (<---- it's ME!!)

Hey, if it makes my life easier, just half an hour (MAX) in the kitchen, and the result is delicious, why not?!

Since I love this product so much (Seri Tunjung, uolls!), I do sell them to other busy momsies like me! Sharing is caring (and it can be a wonderful side income, too!)

Wide range of VERY TASTY products (<-- promo!! hahah).

And you know what, short cuts or long drive, it is important for us moms to try to cook for our husband and children most of the time. It's crucial since you know the ingredients you are using are halal, clean and fresh (ish).. and when you cook, you always put the extra ingredients that you cant buy anywhere, LOVE, ZIKR and DU'As. Remember, stir in your food with them... insha Allah, you'll get healthy family filled with His barakah.

And always make du'a for Mak.. many of them!


Wallahu'alam...

What I (am still) learning from 'Ummi vs PhD' - 1

Today and tomorrow will not be the same, for us moms, especially studying moms out there. Our motivation is always up and down. Self-discipline is another HUGE issue to tackle. Health issues, not just ours, husband's and kids' contribute to our studying momentum.

I have a unwavering respects for Moms who are studying. It is not easy... but it is NOT IMPOSSIBLE!

Dr, Shafis, a wonder-Mom (of Alya and Amir) who can proudly say, 'Been there, done that!' I'm proud of you, babe!

Of course, I am not one of the moms who has clutched a PhD scroll (just yet).. but I'm going to, insha Allah, however hard and long (not too long, I hope =D) it takes...

To the mommies who are consolidating on furthering their studies out there.. before you embark on this journey, please think about this...

• Do my husband and family support me, mentally and physically? 
• Remember, at times, you need to be away to the library, collect your data, meet your supervisor, attend seminars/courses - you need others to support you, to attend to your kids. It is essential that you have strong support at home. 
• You need your husband's approval. Talk about it. Discuss... really take time to discuss.
• Get the kids on board, too! It's a family effort. When they see Abi helps out Ummi running errands and doing chores, trying to make life easier for Ummi while she's studying, insha Allah, they will too. Don't forget to explain to them the importance of you studying and them helping out, even though they are young.

•  Do I really want to know about the topic/title that I've chosen? REALLY?
• If the answer is YES, go on ahead, because remember, you have to eat, pray, love (ahaks!), sleep, wake up, drink, type, read, drafting, re-drafting the topic you've chosen for at least another 4 years of your life. And if you're really 'pro' in it, you are actually opening up a fantastic new chapter in your life. Hey, being a 'specialist' in a field is something extraordinary, masha Allah!
• You need to have fun in reading, writing, listening and speaking about your topic. When you have fun, you'll be passionate about your topic. That's crucial.

Bottom line, going back to school and being an Ummi at the same time is a tough, challenging job. What we can do is to execute our plans at our very best, strive to achieve the finest result.

PRAY. Allah is there for you.. to listen to your anguish and anxiousness.

HAVE FUN. Your kids will not enjoy stressed-out Ummi. And YOU will not enjoy your kids too (and that's a pity!!)

Don't be too hard on yourself. The time will pass whether you push yourself or not, and I strongly believe that in the long run, you'll be more grateful to look back on this time and you be satisfied, for you have done your best, and have fun while doing it.




Happy studying, momsies! You are superwomen! And as asserted by Shafis (2012), 'We do what we have to do and pray we'll do it well...with His blessings'.

What I learn from 'reward vs bribe'

Teaching our own kids to memorise Al Quran is a challenge. My husband and I have to find more and more ways to motivate Al Fateh (just him, for now) to enjoy the hafazan session. 

At the moment, rewarding him is the best motivation. 

But my husband once asked me, 'Is this a good way to teach him? Is not a bribery?' Good point..

So, after consolidating with the notions of reward vs bribe, these are my definitions of the two variables (eh.. bunyi macam research paper lah pulakkk...)

REWARD - gift(s) given AFTER a goal or an objective has been achieved.
BRIBE - gift(s) given BEFORE the task even started.

For this reason, I continue on the 'reward system' that we've been using, so far, it has been proven to be successful - a boy who is highly motivated, have longer concentration, persevere (though Ummi asked him to repeat nearly 50 times!). 

Good boy, Al Fateh! Masha Allah.

After completing his monthly review, he merrily received his reward.

May Allah give us the strength, perseverance and time to teach our children the Quran.
May Allah eases Al Fateh's (and his siblings) journeys in memorising and keeping the ayatullah in tact in their minds.
May Allah replenishes and sparks our ideas in teaching our kids to be great caliphs of Allah.

Aamin Ya Rabb...

Al Fateh hafazan checklist.. need to be done frequently so that the memory retains, insha Allah.

What I learn from 'Alwani & the Flip Flop'.

Do you have a child who loves to help out around the house?

I do (and luckily my quality control standard is not that high.. haahha). As long as she's happy and willing to help (and not making a bigger mess out of a small mess), I'm game.

I found a tool to make her life easier. A tool that helped her enjoy house work. A tool that wouldn't make me do double work (as in to refold the my husband's clothes).

Introducing.. Alwani's Flip Flop!!

 

  

Cool, kan?

What I learn...

1. We need to introduce house chores to the kids as early as possible. It teaches them to be responsible. We teach them as early as they can understand simple instruction, i.e. Please place your cup/bottle in the sink (which is more practical than you and the whole family hunting for the missing bottle later!)

2. When they know how easy it is to clean up small mess, and how hard it can be to clean up big mess, they will be more responsible by not making big mess... they will tell each other to clean up before it becomes massive (and before Ummi turns into monster!)

3. Tools (the not dangerous ones) can help you to make life easier. Tools can actually train your child to be independent in finishing their chores. I left Alwani to fold her clothes on her own while I can finish other things. She is a responsible girl, masha Allah.  

4. Praising your child after finishing each chores is essential. A simple hug is a HUGE reward. By telling your husband (in front of your child) of her/his good deeds will surely boast her confidence and motivation in helping more. 

5. Don't complain if their work is not up to your standard! He/She is only a child! Remember, practice makes perfect! 

6. If you have more than 1 child, don't burden the child that loves to help (or the child which can do the work fastest or the one which lives up to your standard) with everything. Division of work is important. She/He would feel unmotivated quickly if being buried with house chores while others are having fun playing blocks. Sharing house chores creates the feeling of togetherness... (and to remind the unhelpful ones that there's no escape!!)

Wallahu'allam.

What I learn from 'Sabarlah hati...'

Mind map in iPad. I didnt know how to export it here... hahaha....

I have forgotten the turmoil that we (my husband and I) faced before our akad nikah. It was not always easy to make the relationship pure and clean. It was a constant fight with the syaitan and of course, the confusing desire that comes hand in hand when you think you love someone. 

But, you need to learn to say NO to syaitan.. you need to enrich your vocabulary with istighfar, you need to say 'Whatever!' to the lust within you..

'What ever, syaitan! Go find someone else to pester with!'

The forum that I participated with Imam Muda Fattah and Mr Azman had refreshed my memories on how I overcame that hurdle, how did we teach ourselves to stay in Allah's path, how to tell ourselves 'Sabarlah hati...' (be patient, dear heart..). I remembered yet again the taaruf session we've attended (as I've shared in Mission Impossible 3, 2 and 1) and the invaluable questions asked.

~~~ Selingan lagu dulu... Maaf Tuk Berpisah by Tashiru.. (dont forget to push the 'pause' button on the iphone down there! Sorry-morry!)

I applaud the organiser, Kelab Amatur Intelektual (KAI) 11/12 for creating this platform to teach these young hearts about the value of love.. the REAL value of it and how to manage it.

Here were some of the points being discussed - my 20cents worth of thoughts..

Please use magnifying lenses! =D

May Allah teaches the young hearts to remain calm and patient.
May Allah gives them ilham that being in ♥ after marriage is more cool and blessed.
May Allah bestows them strength to overcome the desire and syaitan.
Aamin ya Rabbal 'Alamin..


Wallahu'alam..

What I learn 'by following their dreams, not mine..'

Supporting your children's interests is important. The key words were made bold. It should be their interest, and NOT ours. Many times I have seen parents had fallen into the traps of forcing promoting their children into activities that the children didn't enjoy.

It is important as parents, to notice what our children enjoy by paying attention and observing what makes them smile and laugh, and sometimes imitating it in front of the mirror. My husband and I frequently discussed ways for our children to explore their interest and ways to help them learn through and about their interest. Books and encyclopedia were explored and Al Fateh realised that books are fantastic tools to learn more about his interest, and google search as well! (You go, boy!! =D)

For six year old Al Fateh, he has memorised most of the tennis players while we watched the OZ/US/French Open & Wimbeldon tournaments, imitating their grunts and moves during play time. We brought him to the uni's tennis court several times and had a bit of fun hitting some balls. My husband admitted that he has strong ball sense and good strong strokes for a boy his age. With Allah's will, we met Kak Raihan, a colleague of mine, who's son was playing on the court next to ours, and she advised us to send him (AF) to a professional coach. 

Hence, during the car ride home, we asked Al Fateh to think about whether he wants to pursue his interest with a proper coach. We purposely asked him to decide since we believe that he's old enough (at six) to know his own likes/dislikes (and at he wont blame us for sending him to places he has no interest in, later!). I believe, by asking him to think rationally, it will make him realise that the ball is in his court, and we don't mind if he says 'No'. We told him all the details he needs to rationalised, i.e the place, time, day, what will the others do when he's playing, other positive outcomes by leading healthy lifestyle, etc.

He agreed.

The next week, we went to the tennis complex in Kuala Terengganu for his first training with a 'real' coach. Alhamdulillah, he enjoyed himself.. even up until now.

AF first day with Coach Marzuki.

What I learn from  following Al Fateh's dream;

1. Pay attention and observe your children's interests.
2. Nurture them by asking questions and explore more of their interest. How?
• By reading related books (with loads of pix for children) and encyclopedias (and silently developing their interests in books!)
• Explore the interest hands-on... (they'll love you for it!)
3. Do not be pushy. Let them decide to pursue it or not. But before deciding, discuss and rationalise the decision. You are (silently) teaching your child critical thinking skill.

May Allah enriches us with more ideas (ilham) and skills in educating our children to be strong and intelligent caliphs.. amin. 

Wallahu'alam..

What I learn from 'love at first sight'.

No matter how painful the pregnancy journey and labour were, the first sight of my boys demolished all the hardship. That's Allah's special gift to us mothers. Immediate cure. Subhanallah. 

3 days old twins. (Look at my HUGE hands as a comparison to the teeny twins!)

Lesson learned, after every hardship, Allah will always bestow us ease and relieve. And the beauty of it is, you forgot how bad the hardship was, since your heart is overflowing with happiness and gratefulness towards His gifts for you..

Praise be to Allah.

Abi and the twins - the first met face to face on their 10th day.

Abi experienced, once again, love at first sight... unconditional love of a father.

Previously, my husband first saw his twins via Skype from Mecca. He arrived on KT2 flight from Jeddah and met his latest clans on their 10th day off-womb. Alhamdulillah... And in 2011... Abi was the biggest winner, a wonderful hajj experience, a book and a set of twins!

Love you & Bravo, Abang!

What I learn from 'outsourcing kitchen work'.

Alwani LOVES pasta. She can eat any kind of pastas everyday! And this weekend, she was asking for spaghetti and meat balls (and it was not in my cooking schedule!!) But hey, why not? They need an activity anyway during the weekend. Light bulb!!

I'll outsource the tedious part for them to do! Yee haaa! They have to do their own meatballs!! 

Yes, they did. After washing and brushing their hands with soap and water, both Al Fateh and Alwani sat down while I demonstrated the way to make the minced meat ball-like. They are fast learners, so after a couple of meatballs, they're off on their own!

I believe there were a few lessons learned from this simple event.

Lesson 1: Do include your children in the kitchen activity - the simple and far from dangerous ones. They will appreciate the food more, since they put their own effort in 'making it happen'.

Lesson 2: Trust me, sibling rivalry will happen. And during this simple meatball-outsourcing activity, they started to compare who 'balled' most meat. Counting and more counting, and rechecking others' counting occur continuously, till the last of the meatball. Great indirect math lesson!

Lesson 3:  Appreciate the kids after their hard work. I rewarded them with cold yoghurt drink (which is rare in the house. They (are force to) live by plain H2O)! When they are appreciated, they do ask if they can help more in the house, which is a wonderful thing. It's really magic how simple 'Can I help you with anything, Ummi?' washes away the tiredness. Seriously.

Lesson 4: Furthermore, they'll learn about cleanliness - prior to, while and after food prep. Of course those are basic skills, but if they are not exposed to it, they can't practice it.

Lesson 5: Raw food is yucky to be eaten! (Hard lesson learned by Yusuf!)

'Cooked food is wayyy better then raw!'

Lesson 6: Have trust in your children small hands. They can do it if you trust them and show them what and how things should be done well.

Lesson 7: Don't be a perfectionist. There might be odd shapes and sizes, but hey, just chuck them in the pot and cook them! Nobody will notice it when they're all jumbled and stirred in the pot!

Lesson 8: Praise them, and tell their wonderful effort to their Abi, and grandparents! 

Hard work pays off!

What I learn from 'bubbye bottle'.

Yusuf managed to say goodbye to his Avent bottle today. We're so proud of him. He's 2 years and 5 months old and we believe that he should be able to drink from a cup - and he proved us right!

I know it's not an easy thing for Yusuf to do, especially when he has been depending on milk from the bottle starting from 6 months old, to comfort him to sleep and it became his savior from hunger (if Ummi takes too long to cook!).

Remembering what the nurses in King Eddie Hospital back in Perth advice, which was to teach the toddler from the age of 2 to let go of their bottle, in order to protect their teeth from rotting and to ensure a better sleeping pattern at night and better brain growth (since no waking ups for milk in the middle of the night) - it gave us strength to prevail, though Yusuf actually asked for his bottle (only) twice during the first day (and both were not caused by hunger, but merely to comfort him to sleep).

Steps for 'Bubbye-Bottle'

Bubbye bottle, Hello Wiggle cup!

1. We comforted and praised him that he is a very good, big boy, and big, handsome boys don't drink from bottles. They use cups. And we asked him whether can he be a good big handsome boy. Of course he replied, "YES!' without understanding fully the consequences of the answer.
2. Then we asked him to find his bottle from his cot and asked him if it was dirty. And of course, another 'YES,' from him. So we reasoned him that it's not healthy anymore to drink from the bottle. Grown-ups like us (includes the older siblings in the conversation) do not use bottles. He then told us, 'I'm a big boy! No yucky bottle!' (Phew, correct answer from him!) And we asked him to throw the bottle in the rubbish bin (himself). <--- This step is important so that he'd remember that he chucked it away himself.
3.  Then we introduced to him to his new pals, Elmo and Wiggle straw cups, just like his sister's. Alhamdulillah, he accepted it. (Alwani did not approve of her cups when she was younger, so we drove to Target in Carousel, Perth and asked her to choose her own cup! And she was stuck to it for a looong time. <---This was another tip given by the nurses at King Eddie's which was to reward the children for their sacrifice.)
4. Be persistent. Some kids (like Al Fateh) take a bit longer to adapt to the new situation. They might rebel. But some (like Yusuf) understands well and reason with himself when he was in need of the bottle. Some of his monologue; 'No bottle, I'm a big boy', 'Wiggle cup but same milk', 'I don't want bad teeth'. 
5. Though Yusuf transformed exceptionally well, his milk consumption became less at the beginning (4-5 days), which actually worries the nursery carers. But he'll gradually learn to drink more from the cup day by day. Both my children, Alwani and Yusuf, enjoy the chocolate flavoured milk in the cup, as compared to the normal flavoured milk. I can't answer why. Al Fateh only drinks full cream milk, even till now.
6. For us, because we knew and believed on why were doing the this, we symphatised when Yusuf desperately sought for his bottle, but we didn't give in. Patience and perseverance are essential to both mom and dad.

We are proud of you big, handsome and good boy Hamza Yusuf!

What I learn from 'our Bali retreat (just the two of us!)'.

It was the first time for both of us to leave the kids at home and had a quick retreat. It wasn't an easy decision (at my part) but we believe it's a good idea for us to have a quick getaway and share good quality time together .

And so, after 7 years of marriage, 3 kids and a PhD (and another one to go, insha Allah) <-- (sounds like the script in the Amazing Race finale!!! Hahah), we booked our tix and hotels, left the kids with my ever so wonderful parents, and took a plane to BALI!!

Well, I won't bother telling the details of our travel itinerary =p - but I'll gladly share the things we've learned from the quick getaway.

• Getaways can help to refresh and revive relationships. It is like breathing fresh air into them, re-energizing them with greater intimacy and deeper love.This might sound kinky, but hey, as we're so absorbed in our responsibilities and roles at work and home, we could forget how we began as a unit. As vacation is time to devote ourselves to rest and relax from work or study, it's the best time to devote our quality time for each other! (Parents with small children without a helper will know that vacation with kids is not really a totally relaxing time, though it's important and special, too).

• The Bali retreat allow us to focus on each other, share memorable life experiences together, and simply have fun, with no interference from work or home. It focused on what we love to do together - we simply shared the moment! (However, during one of my phone call home, I confessed that I cried after talking to the children!! It was a big distraction leaving the kids for the first time, but hey, it's only for 2 days!)

• A couple's vacation is when you REALLY spend your quality time together. Hence it's important for both of you to talk about your relationship: where it had been, how did you go through the rough times, how do you plan to make it better - for yourselves and for the kids. When you communicate earnestly and discussed openly with your spouse, your objectives will be clearer and you'll work towards the same goals - and this will make you closer and happier with each other. And automatically, the kids will benefit from the healthy and loving relationship, too, insha Allah!

• Taking a vacation is the healthy thing to do! It's healthy for your mind, body and relationship. A getaway is like hitting the reset button (after saving all the important files!). Taking a retreat, vacating my mind off my research (just for the shortest period of time =D), improved my motivation and concentration! I don't want to risk myself into serious burnout. (And the vacation was a 'present' for myself for completing my CoS report successfully!)

• The retreat should be well within your budget. Hence, (budget and detail trip) planning is essential. Since we are the frequent flyer of AirAsia, we managed to grab the RM20 tickets to Bali, and booked the hotel through Hotel.com - and alhamdulillah, we managed to grab great bargains from both!

• It's super fun going out on a halal date with your husband! Trust me!

Kuta Beach, Bali.

I hope that I don't have to wait another 7 years and 3 more kids for the next vacation!! A present for another PhD in the house would be nice... (hint.. hint...)

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. 

~Mignon McLaughlin

Happy marriages are based on a deep friendship. By this I mean a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other’s company.  ~John Gottman

A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers. 

~Ruth Bell Graham

What I learn from 'hubster's Pinarello'

Last February, my husband announced discretely that he's planning to buy a new toy. Knowing his half (hidden) smile and 'I'm-not-going-to-show-that-I'm-excited' look, I knew that it's going to be his dream Pinarello that he's been talking about for ages - even when we were in Australia!

Alwani and Yusuf with Abi's new toy.

He has been discussing this with me and sharing his thoughts throughout this process - thinking out-loud and hoping for some other 'logical explanations' to support his purchase. It covered a range of topics to consider - the budget (hey, it's the same price of 2005 Kelisa!), the optimisation of the usage (at least 3 times weekly), the practicality (oversea purchase), the cycling schedule (to fit our family timetable) and many other related matters in regards to this rare purchase. 

One of the most important thing that I learned from the process is to be an attentive listener. If we can patiently listen to others, they will appreciate our concern and attention (especially if the one who talks is your husband). Listening to others shows that we are interested in them as a person. and what they are talking about. When we talk we try to influence others, when we listen we appreciate others; it is important to get the right balance. To me, in this specific scenario, I learned to talk less, and listen more.

Another important trait that I learned was to hinder negative thoughts. Our mind gets drawn to the negativity of a judgment (i.e. why doesn't he buy a gold bracelet for me using that money rather than the light Pinarello frameset? At least gold is sunnah!), and criticising the judgment selfishly. However, I learned that to be non-judgemental and accepting of others (and their opinions) are very powerful traits to develop. Gaining control of your own thought is essential to keep a healthy relationship. Stay positive. (Hey, avid cyclists' wives out there! The bike is used for recreational and health activities, not for self-destruction or seduction ;p!!)

Respecting others' interests is crucial. Pinarello is not even close to be enlisted in my 'wish list', and a nice collection of intricate 'bling-blings' is soo not in his! Thus, learning to learn one's likes and dislikes is important - and to respect and not hamper one's fascination on something is an art that's important to be mastered as a couple. 

Last but not least, share his joy. It's priceless.

Yusuf was the second official rider!

A part of the bike.

Another part of the bike.

The whole bike.. (sorry for the lack of cycling knowledge!)

Concentration, fascination, satisfaction.