What I learn from '35 ways of Sharing and Showing Quality Time with My Munchkins'.

It’s easy for us to say “I love you” but those three words, devoid of action and the gift of our quality time, are simply that—just words.  As the new generation of parents, lets try to exemplify loving sentiments and affections, let us show our children just how special they really are.

35 simple ways to show your child love:

1. Plan to watch movie they want to see. Make your own popcorns. Switch off the lights. Lots of pillows and cuddles!
2. Go on a treasure hunt (collect all the loose change around the house/car) together and then make a trip to the arcade with your findings.
3. Take a long nature walk together, at their pace.  Let them lead the conversation.
4. Find qualities about them that you genuinely love, and compliment them in front of others.
5. Frame a photo of the two of you, and display it in their room.
6. Play a game with them.
7. Let them win.
8. Make bath time special.  Add lots of bubbles, colored soaps, maybe you could purchase a new tub toy or let them play with things found around the house.  I let my kids play with things like colanders and funnels from the kitchen—they love it. 
9. Send them a handmade card in the mail with a coupon to go get ice cream with you.
10. Using blankets and chairs, or a card table, build a clubhouse together and have a picnic inside.
11. Read “I love you” books together.
12. Let them stay up past their bedtime with you and watch something together.
13. Do a chore that is normally reserved for them.
14. Tuck an encouraging note inside their lunchbox.
15. Give them your full attention.
16. Tell them some of the ways they make you happy.
17. Make them laugh.
18. Laugh with them.
19. Make their favorite treat to welcome them home from school with.
20. Show them your joy when they arrive.
21. Ask for hugs and kisses.
22. Listen, and let them make their own decisions whenever possible.
23. Take a day off from everything: work, household duties, technology, etc. and focus entirely on them.
24. Cook together.
25. Write them a poem using the initials of their name.
26. Decorate their room for no reason.
27. Kidnap them from school and take them out for lunch.
28. Make home a fun place to be.
29. Make a treasure box from an old shoe box, fill it with “gold” (chocolate coins) and make an official looking treasure map with clues for them to locate the hidden treasure with.
30. Go to the store and let them pick out all the ingredients to make banana splits.  Make and eat them together.
31. Wrap up in a warm blanket together in an aircond room and take turns making up stories to tell each other.
32. Make a list of things you love about them and put it on their pillow before bedtime.
33. Talk about what they did in their day at dinnertime.
34. Sit down together and write a list of fun activities to do in a day.  Write each idea on small slips of paper, roll up the papers and stick them inside balloons.  Blow up all the balloons and then pop one balloon at a time until you’ve completed all the activities.
35. Play back rub/tickle games—ie; Spider crawling up your back… 

Sharing, adopting and adapting a lovely entry...

What I learn from 'Made vs Bought'

The teachers in Malaysia has recently celebrated Teachers' Day on the 16th of May and prior to the occassion, Al Fateh and Alwani had reminded me that they would like to give something to their teachers (which accumulates to 14 teachers!).

I remember a talk by one of the imaams of the local madrasah. He reminded us that one of the basics that many new parents forget to follow from the older generations is to seek baraka or blessings from teachers, include them in your daily du'a, respect them as they work hard to impart knowledge to our children.

And so, this is the day to show our appreciation to the teachers. Thanking them for being so tolerant when teaching our kids ;)

For us, a home made or self made gifts are always cherished and add a personal touch since it shows that one has put more effort into it by taking the time out of one's life to make them a gift.

These are some examples of the home made gifts that my friends have done for their children's' teachers. Salute to you!

Sya Annur's famous marble choc cheese cakes for her son's lucky teachers.

Janna's cuppies for her childrens' teachers.

Tini's preaching to her kids, '...to appreciate teachers from the bottom of their hearts' (Tini Yahya, 2012). Her daughters made beautiful hand decorated frames.

While my kids coloured-in certificates to be given to their teachers. Laminating them would be a nice touch and it'll last longer.

A wonderful well planned present for those with green hands.

Congratulations to all my friends who find time to appreciate the teachers of our children. I applaud each and every one of you who uses their own special skills i.e baking, painting, planting, sewing, art and crafting, giving orders to their kids to complete their colouring (<-- that's me!! haha).

Here is some ideas (for next year!) of 30 Homemade Gift for Teachers, Teacher Appreciation Ideas and printable cards.

What I learn from 'Al Fateh and Friday prayers'.

Teaching our children to live as Muslims is an OK task... but teaching them to love Islam and practice its teachings are big tasks. A task which each parent is responsible for. 

Friday prayers is the latest 'syllabus' that we are instilling in Al Fateh, for him to do it routinely (and as sincerely as possible). It's hard for him to go with a smile. Hey, I don't blame him, it is his weekend, he just came back from his tennis practice, his other siblings are happily at home, enjoying the swirling fan on the ceiling while he has to endure the stunning heat and glare outside. It's a big task for him to do it sincerely and without a hint of resentment. But as parents, we believe that we have to train them when they are ready and Islam has clearly suggested that at the age of 7 the children should be taught how to pray.

Friday sermons in Malaysia is not as children (or adults) friendly as the sermons we have attended in the UK or Australia. They are pre-suggested speech and the imaams have limited authority to change them. As a result, many enjoy these sermons as naptime story...

I remembered those teaching days in Australia, in a class full with Year 2 boys, I asked them as soon as they came back into the classroom after the Friday prayers, "What did you learn from the Friday sermons?" Each student had to write one on the whiteboard as they entered the classroom.

During the first few weeks, these 7-8 year old boys found it difficult to write. So I asked those who could not suggest anything to recite their istighfar 10 times outside the classroom, then they were allowed to enter the class. They did not like this punishment. However, after a few weeks, all would come into the class after Jumaah prayers and confidently wrote something on the board.

One particular scene is still fresh in my mind when Sheikh Yusuf Parker (the imam of the area) came into the class with my boys, then loudly exclaimed a long 'Aaahhhhh, now I understand why..' (after looking on the huge title on my whiteboard - WHAT DID YOU LEARN IN FRIDAY SERMONS?)

He then reported to me that one of my students, Abdul Qani, an energetic Somalian boy, raised up his hand during the Friday prayers and asked him questions. He boldly told the Sheikh that he didn't understand what he was saying and he needs to understand them because, "Sr Azza will ask us what we learn in the sermons". The Sheikh told me the congregation were impressed with his boldness and said their 'Takbir!'.

(Sheikh Yusuf Parker then re-told them the sermons using easier words, that's what the kids told me!)

In this simple event, I learned alot of things...

1. The imaam has a huge role in educating. They should learn to accommodate his congregation, old AND young (and whatever political background they have!).
2. Kids need to have a purpose in doing something - as parents, we need to set them. This will ensure that they are not doing things blindly, without any purpose (which also will mean wasting their time!)
3. When the kids understand that they have an objective to fill, the activity will be more meaningful (but please remind your children not to ask any question during Friday sermons! It was embarrassing for me!)
4. Never underestimate the power of reciting 'istighfar' loudly and publicly! hahah.. I thought it was a simple penalty, but it digs deep!

Wallahu'alam

What I learn from 'a lying incident...'

'What happened to my wall, Yusuf?'

'I don't know. Alwani did it!'

'Alwani did what?'

'Alwani took a 'koko' (brown) marker pen and she did like this..' (while demonstrating how the graffiti was done)

Background noise: Alwani's whimpering, denying the accusations which was rather annoying, noisy and not needed!
'Was it fun?'
'Yes!...... eh.... I want bread please....' (Trapped & diversion.. yes, this child can be very cheeky!!)

Should he be punished? How?

So, as parents, what will you do?

I must admit, addressing the problem of lying isn’t easy, as there’s no one thing you can do to make the problem go away, including using punishment. In fact, punishment will only make things worse. HOWEVER, it needs to be addressed, as early as it happens.

1. Ask instead of accuse.

If you catch your child lying, work on figuring out why she felt like she couldn’t tell you the truth. You can gently say, “That sounds a bit far-fetched. You must be worried about telling me what really happened. Let’s talk about that.” By opening the conversation this way, you’ll get the real story — and information that can clue you in on how to get her to demonstrate honesty in the future. 

p/s: Try not to get other children to join in the conversation, she/he might get embarrassed, angry and annoyed, which make it hard for him/her to be honest. Make this conversation private and personal.

2. Observe how us, parents, respond to our kids when they misbehave or make a poor choice.

Even adults will lie to protect themselves from punishment or an unpleasant outcome when they do something wrong — so why should we expect anything different from our kids? True isn't it?

So, try to work on using a "calm voice" (which is not easy when you're angry!) to address bad behavior and avoid lectures and 'physical torture'. Our child will feel safe telling the truth when the mommies are not behaving like wild tigress!

3. Make the most of mistakes.

Kids who aren’t yelled at or punished for messing up will be more likely to admit it when they do (next time). And when they fess up, turn the mistake into a learning opportunity. Use this chance to teach your child the 'better ways' to tell Ummi and Abi what happened,  

'Kakak and Abang were using the white boards, and Yusuf hasn't got one, and I really need to write..' (and at this time, he nodded furiously!! hahah!) 

And, I used this situation to teach him that it's not nice to lie and accuse others, 'Do you like Adib (his friend at school) to say, "Ustazah, Yusuf messes up the toys" when you didn't?' (he shook his head)' and what would you feel?'

'I feel bad...' (eyes drooping like puss in boots!!! Sheeeshhh.. this drama king!)

Insya Allah, he'll react honestly when he messes up!

4. Encourage honesty.

Whenever our child tells the truth about something difficult, commend her. “I bet it was hard to tell the truth. You really showed some courage. Thanks for taking responsibility.”

note: Praise our (guilty) child in front of the other children since they will know that Ummi & Abi love people who tells the truth.

Telling the truth is not easy, but we need to instill it!

5. Love unconditionally.

Our children need to know that while sometimes, we don’t like their behavior, we’ll love them no matter what kind of mistakes they make. Make every effort to show them they are loved (hugs are good, easy and free!) and they’ll be more likely to open up. 

Cuddles help! (but you don't have to make that kind of face, Azza!) haha!

 6. Watch our own “white lies."

'Oh.. I was busy yesterday, the twins were crying all day, that's why I didn't pick it up' but your child knows that the twins were fine yesterday and you were actually busy completing your photobook! 

When we let a “white lie” slip, our kids think they’re acceptable. We’ve heard it before: set a good example!

By creating a safe environment for the truth in our household, we’ll see a lot more honesty. Better yet, we’ll be helping our children develop the kinds of character traits that will serve them well throughout her life, insha Allah.

Wallahu'alam.
 

What I learn from 'Alwani's visit to the skin specialist'.

Going to the hospital for any reason — or even just going to the doctor for routine vaccinations — isn’t fun for a child. Alwani was a happy lassy as we entered the hospital, she was determined to get rid of the big wart on her right thumb. She has complained a few times, saying that the wart made it quite uncomfortable for her to write and to use the colour pencils. 

But her happy facial expression changed dramatically when the MD pressed the wart with liquid nitrogen. A single tears at the beginning, then changed to a stream of uncontrollable cry. 

Alwani's wart after the treatment, before, it was triple the size.

 

For momsies, this is what I've learned from Alwani's get-rid-of-the-wart experience..

Don't Say "This Won't Hurt" When It Will

It is important for parents to tell the truth in an age-appropriate way without overwhelming your child. If you smile and tell her “This won’t hurt,” and then it does hurt, your child will have evidence that you lied and begin to wonder what else you’re lying about. You will have lost some credibility at a time when you need it the most. What I told her, 

“Alwani sayang, in a few minutes the doctor will press a cotton bud on your wart. On it, the doctor will put some very cold liquid called nitrogen. It will be very cold, and it will sting. I know you don’t want to, but there are no choices about that. But we need to get you well so that your thumb wont hurt when you write.'

Telling the Truth Without Scaring Your Child

Emphatise to your child who is sickly.  Offer her choices  in a loving tone. Here’s an example from our experience:

Ummi:  'Since you are putting a huge effort to be a brave girl, you have five/six other choices though.

1. You get to tell the doctor when to begin. After saying bismillah and the count of three?
2. You get to decide if you want to cry or not cry. Either way is fine with me.
3. You get to decide if you want to squeeze my hand or squeeze the sheet.
4. You get to decide if you want to keep your eyes open or closed while the doctor does her job.
5. And you get to decide which flavor of ice cream you want when it’s all over.
6. Or you might want to think of which book do you want to buy at the book shop. The princess colouring book, maybe?' (This keeps her calm until the doctor is ready to do the procedure.)

Make sure to bring activity & reading books during hospital visits. It takes a while....

Depending on the age of the child, I try to be truthful about the body, the medicine and how it heals, my way (and it might not be the best way scientifically! haha). I told Alwani that pressing the cold nitrogen will kill the root of the wart that is planted in her thumb, just like stomping hard on the roots of Ummi's mini roses (Yusuf just did exactly that a few days back). The doctor need to kill it so that it will dissapear and it will be easier and more comfortable for you to enjoy your colouring activities, insha Allah. Why not let a child use his or her imagination to do the same? After all, no one is better at using his or her imagination than a child.

Telling the truth and giving many choices allows a child to trust you enough to summon up her courage to better deal with the situation. Once courageous, she’s more likely to be empowered enough to do whatever is needed to get well, insha Allah.

Gambar hiasan, tiada kaitan dengan ketuat ataupun hospital, haha..: Alwani's home made birthday cuppies

Wallahu'alam.

What I learn from 'Alwani's 5th Birthday!'

"I have so much I can teach her and pull out of her. I would say you might encounter defeats but you must never be defeated. I would teach her to love a lot. Laugh at the silliest things and be very serious. I would teach her to love life. I could do that."

Author: Maya Angelou

A daughter is the happy memories of the past, 

the joyful moments of the present, 

and the hope and promise of the future.  ~Author Unknown

'She's honey and the bees don't know it!'

A daughter may outgrow your lap, but she will never outgrow your heart.
~ Author Unknown

I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection.
~ Sigmund Freud

 

1 daughter + 1 mother = 2 best friends

 

What I wanted most for my daughter was that she be able to soar confidently in her own sky, whatever that may be.
~ Helen Claes

We love you, girl!! Happy 5th birthday...
May Allah grants all our prayers..


Ummi & Abi.

What I (am still) learning from 'Ummi vs PhD' - 3

This clip says it all. Keep a Kleenex nearby!

Remember.. when you don't give up, you won't fail!

What I learn from 'reward vs bribe'

Teaching our own kids to memorise Al Quran is a challenge. My husband and I have to find more and more ways to motivate Al Fateh (just him, for now) to enjoy the hafazan session. 

At the moment, rewarding him is the best motivation. 

But my husband once asked me, 'Is this a good way to teach him? Is not a bribery?' Good point..

So, after consolidating with the notions of reward vs bribe, these are my definitions of the two variables (eh.. bunyi macam research paper lah pulakkk...)

REWARD - gift(s) given AFTER a goal or an objective has been achieved.
BRIBE - gift(s) given BEFORE the task even started.

For this reason, I continue on the 'reward system' that we've been using, so far, it has been proven to be successful - a boy who is highly motivated, have longer concentration, persevere (though Ummi asked him to repeat nearly 50 times!). 

Good boy, Al Fateh! Masha Allah.

After completing his monthly review, he merrily received his reward.

May Allah give us the strength, perseverance and time to teach our children the Quran.
May Allah eases Al Fateh's (and his siblings) journeys in memorising and keeping the ayatullah in tact in their minds.
May Allah replenishes and sparks our ideas in teaching our kids to be great caliphs of Allah.

Aamin Ya Rabb...

Al Fateh hafazan checklist.. need to be done frequently so that the memory retains, insha Allah.

What I learn from 'Alwani & the Flip Flop'.

Do you have a child who loves to help out around the house?

I do (and luckily my quality control standard is not that high.. haahha). As long as she's happy and willing to help (and not making a bigger mess out of a small mess), I'm game.

I found a tool to make her life easier. A tool that helped her enjoy house work. A tool that wouldn't make me do double work (as in to refold the my husband's clothes).

Introducing.. Alwani's Flip Flop!!

 

  

Cool, kan?

What I learn...

1. We need to introduce house chores to the kids as early as possible. It teaches them to be responsible. We teach them as early as they can understand simple instruction, i.e. Please place your cup/bottle in the sink (which is more practical than you and the whole family hunting for the missing bottle later!)

2. When they know how easy it is to clean up small mess, and how hard it can be to clean up big mess, they will be more responsible by not making big mess... they will tell each other to clean up before it becomes massive (and before Ummi turns into monster!)

3. Tools (the not dangerous ones) can help you to make life easier. Tools can actually train your child to be independent in finishing their chores. I left Alwani to fold her clothes on her own while I can finish other things. She is a responsible girl, masha Allah.  

4. Praising your child after finishing each chores is essential. A simple hug is a HUGE reward. By telling your husband (in front of your child) of her/his good deeds will surely boast her confidence and motivation in helping more. 

5. Don't complain if their work is not up to your standard! He/She is only a child! Remember, practice makes perfect! 

6. If you have more than 1 child, don't burden the child that loves to help (or the child which can do the work fastest or the one which lives up to your standard) with everything. Division of work is important. She/He would feel unmotivated quickly if being buried with house chores while others are having fun playing blocks. Sharing house chores creates the feeling of togetherness... (and to remind the unhelpful ones that there's no escape!!)

Wallahu'allam.

What I learn from 'a note in their Tupperware...'

Yesterday, I purposely put a tiny note in Alwani's Tupperware. Her teacher then approached me saying that she did very well in spelling her shapes! The small note motivated her to do well! Alhamdulillah

I learn that notes are great for your young ones who are new into reading because they're short, they're fun, AND they're from mom. I keep my notes short and sweet. Something like:

I tend to write things that they enjoy, not instruction based notes i.e. finish your lunch, eat your veggies. I want them to look forward to my little notes because when  they learn that reading is fun, they'll look forward to reading.

What I learn from 'the merit stickers'

I first started using stickers during my teaching days in Al Hidayah Islamic School, Bentley, Perth, Australia. I wanted to motivate the Year 3 children to do well, and to do better than they always do. 

Those days were gone, but now I have a group of more crucial students. My children.

Sticker books bought by Kak Ti @ Red Dot Perth.

An example of how I use the sticker (in Bacalah Anakku Book, as they completed them).

For Al Fateh, it is a reward for him to do a single activity seriously, neatly and cautiously. At times, he can be too relaxed with his homework or other academic activities. Telling him that a sticker will be awarded to him if he does well, voila! He suddenly switches his character and become a more diligent boy. No joke!

For Alwani, it is an incentive for her to read, and not to get flustered easily. This simple tiny stickers can actually help me to get a little more cooperation from my young student.

In addition, I started giving Alwani stickers when she was four for behaving well, and for helping me out with little chores... nowadays, since it had became a routine to her, no stickers were needed, and the good behaviour and deeds that she learned earlier 'stick'ed till now (and in the future, insha Allah). Alhamdulillah.

What I learned from using these merit stickers together with a reward chart;

1. They are powerful tools to

• encourage behaviour you want, such as read a book/page a day,
• discourage behaviour you don’t want, such as not sharing or shouting
• reward your child for practising new skills, such as placing the cups in the sink after drinking or putting all the toys in a box when asked and even to eat veggies!

2.  It's a wonderful practice for parents to catch our child being good (as oppose to shout when they misbehave!). It’s a good idea to reward the behaviour as soon as we see it – since our child might lose motivation if his/her efforts aren’t being noticed.

3.   My children engage more readily if they helped choosing their final reward – Magnum/Slurpee treat, playing with sand at the beach, fried chooks for dinner... (my kids are easy to please!!)

A beach outing after house cleaning and group car wash!

Please share your experience in the comment box, too!

p/s Thanks kak Ti for buying my sticker top-ups in Perth. It's pretty hard to find them here! Cheap ones, I mean ;D

What I learn from 'being a convert'.

Yes, I converted.

When my husband was brainstorming on his book, Ketika Alam Bertasbih,  one of the concerns was regarding the health of the environment. My kids and I are among the contributors of the waste which takes a long time to perish... dirty diapers.

Doing a short and simple research on the net, I discovered that cloth diapers (CD) are now so trendy and affordable. No more safety pins and plain white muslins! And so, I converted from disposable diapers (DD) to CDs.

Why?

CDs are cheaper than DDs. My rule of thumb, if things can be reuse, it must be cheaper. Dont you think so? I remembered spending RM30 (minimum) fortnightly for 30 months for Al Fateh and Alwani buying DDs, which comes to nearly spending RM2K on rubbish (well, at the end of the day, we're going to chuck them in the bin, isn't it?)

Now, just imagine having three kids using DDs at one time like me, at this moment! At least RM300/month will be spent on DDs. It's a blessing that Allah gave me the idea to convert! Alhamdulillah!

Yusuf and his CDs

CDs are healthier than DDs. CDs are free of the many chemicals contained in disposable diapers. Dioxin, which in various forms has been shown to cause cancer, birth defects, liver damage, skin diseases, and genetic damage, is a by-product of the paper-bleaching process used in manufacturing disposable diapers. 

CDs - showing that we care for the environment. It's rough in Terengganu where the rubbish collection system is far from advanced. We need to 'carry' our rubbish to the big communal bins on the main road. No, we dont have private black thrash bin in front of our houses. 

So, just imagine having big heavy loads of DDs before departing to the communal bins - the smell, the bulk. Then, just by sitting our air conditioned car, we can smell the stench of the bins as we pass them. Now, imagine having 1000 times greater amount of stenched DDs and other rubbish on the landfill. Astaghfirullah. This is one of the reasons why I converted, it's my small contribution to the world. 

CDs are fancier - they are soft, comfortable and have many wonderful prints (and the price ranges from RM15 to RM100 each!). Yes, I agree that I have a bit more laundry to do then  before, but hey, I enjoy long showers. It's therapeutic! =D

Fawwaz, wearing the same nappy as Yusuf. Credit to Shafis for the photo!

What I learn from 'outsourcing kitchen work'.

Alwani LOVES pasta. She can eat any kind of pastas everyday! And this weekend, she was asking for spaghetti and meat balls (and it was not in my cooking schedule!!) But hey, why not? They need an activity anyway during the weekend. Light bulb!!

I'll outsource the tedious part for them to do! Yee haaa! They have to do their own meatballs!! 

Yes, they did. After washing and brushing their hands with soap and water, both Al Fateh and Alwani sat down while I demonstrated the way to make the minced meat ball-like. They are fast learners, so after a couple of meatballs, they're off on their own!

I believe there were a few lessons learned from this simple event.

Lesson 1: Do include your children in the kitchen activity - the simple and far from dangerous ones. They will appreciate the food more, since they put their own effort in 'making it happen'.

Lesson 2: Trust me, sibling rivalry will happen. And during this simple meatball-outsourcing activity, they started to compare who 'balled' most meat. Counting and more counting, and rechecking others' counting occur continuously, till the last of the meatball. Great indirect math lesson!

Lesson 3:  Appreciate the kids after their hard work. I rewarded them with cold yoghurt drink (which is rare in the house. They (are force to) live by plain H2O)! When they are appreciated, they do ask if they can help more in the house, which is a wonderful thing. It's really magic how simple 'Can I help you with anything, Ummi?' washes away the tiredness. Seriously.

Lesson 4: Furthermore, they'll learn about cleanliness - prior to, while and after food prep. Of course those are basic skills, but if they are not exposed to it, they can't practice it.

Lesson 5: Raw food is yucky to be eaten! (Hard lesson learned by Yusuf!)

'Cooked food is wayyy better then raw!'

Lesson 6: Have trust in your children small hands. They can do it if you trust them and show them what and how things should be done well.

Lesson 7: Don't be a perfectionist. There might be odd shapes and sizes, but hey, just chuck them in the pot and cook them! Nobody will notice it when they're all jumbled and stirred in the pot!

Lesson 8: Praise them, and tell their wonderful effort to their Abi, and grandparents! 

Hard work pays off!