Sunday, March 20, 2011

What I learn from 'the reconstruction of the Great Kanto Highway, Japan'

When there's a will, there's a way.  

Great Kanto Highway. Credit to AP/Daily Mail online picture 

Looking at this photo, I couldn't help but to feel astounded and at the same time motivated to get back to my stack of surveys which hasn't been punched into SPSS. In my previous entry, I found it amazing on how the Japanese reacted after the great earthquake and tsunami. Then, looking at this vivid before and after photos, it proved to me that they are highly resistant and disciplined lot.

I want myself and my children to have the same attitude in life. I need to teach myself and my children that despite any chaos or nerve-wracking moments that we have to endure in life, we need to stand by each other, will not panic or blame each other, but work together to restore peace and order in our lives.

Another lesson learned from the photo above is the astonishing speed of reconstruction which makes me believe that the Nippons will come around faster then I can imagine. Together with their positive and winning mental attitude, there's no question about the nation's ability to get back on its feet

Hence, if we ever stumble and fall during the course of life, we need to adopt the fabulous positive energy displayed by the Japanese. With the spirit of togetherness, positive and winning mental attitude, and high quality job done, we will surely can make changes in our lives by leaps and bounds.

The hypothesised formula from this phenomenon is; 
 
Positive attitude + strong determination + fantastic effort = 
a HUGE difference in your life.


 Wallahu'alam.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

What I learn from 'our bed time story session - the Nippon's fab manners (adaab)'

I found this note from a social network user (Jun Shiomitsu) and it's very inspiring. I always wanted to tell the children real stories on exemplary manners from real life experience. While I was reading updates regarding the Tohoku tragedy in Japan, I came across, Jun san's note. 

His stories (well, Jun-san actually translated others' 'tweets' from Japanese to English) were the kind of stories that I wanted to share with my children. Simple, straight to the point and have clear morale which I can relate very closely to the Prophet's sunnah

How I pray and hope that my children and I (and of course, you, too) can absorb these wonderful adaabs, which I must admit are seriously lacking among us Muslims, even though most, if not all of them were actually the teachings of the Prophet.

Please enjoy reading and reflect on ourselves...

Lessons Learnt
What caught my attention on twitter is that a lot of the tweets were about the Kobe earthquake and how what we have learned from it has been put into practice this time around.  I know it goes without saying, but I was once again reminded of how humans are indeed creatures that possess the amazing ability to think and learn from experience.  It’s a great thought.

At a congested downtown intersection …
Cars were moving at the rate of maybe one every green light, but everyone was letting each other go first with a warm look and a smile.  At a complicated intersection, the traffic was at a complete standstill for 5 minutes, but I listened for 10 minutes and didn’t hear a single beep or honk except for an occasional one thanking someone for giving way.  It was a terrifying day, but scenes like this warmed me and made me love my country even more. 

During the earthquake
We’ve all been trained to immediately open the doors and establish an escape route when there is an earthquake.  In the middle of the quake while the building was shaking crazily and things falling everywhere, a man made his way to the entrance and held it open.  Honestly, the chandelier could have crashed down any minute … that was a brave man!

Bus stop mini episode:
It was freezing and bus was taking ages to arrive.  “@saiso” left the queue to run to a nearby pharmacy.  He bought heating pads and gave one to everyone in the queue!

Thank you Tokyo Disney Sea
My daughter who was staying at DisneySea just made it back home!  Many, many thanks to the staff who worked very hard in the cold with ready smiles that made her to feel safe and secure during the entire night.  They brought her food, drinks, snacks, heating pads, and anything necessary to ensure she was comfortable and secure throughout her stay.  I was touched by the Disney staff’s warmth and hospitality.  Thank you so much!

Reminded of the goodness of the Japanese people
This earthquake has reminded me of that Japanese goodness that had recently become harder and harder to see.  Today I see no crime or looting: I am reminded once again of the good Japanese spirit of helping one another, of propriety, and of gentleness.  I had recently begun to regard my modern countrymen as cold people … but this earthquake has revived and given back to all of us the spirit of “kizuna” (bond, trust, sharing, the human connection).  I am very touched.  I am brought to tears.

Card board boxes, Thank you!
It was cold and I was getting very weary waiting forever for the train to come.  Some homeless people saw me, gave me some of their own cardboard boxes and saying “you’ll be warmer if you sit on these!”  I have always walked by homeless people pretending I didn’t see them, and yet here they were offering me warmth.  Such warm people. 

(HONESTY) What foreigners are saying about Japanese people
At a supermarket where everything was scattered everywhere over the floors, shoppers were helping pick them up and putting them back neatly on the shelves before quietly moving into line to wait to pay for them.  On the totally jam-packed first train after the quake, an elderly man gave up his seat for a pregnant woman.  Foreigners have told me they are amazed witnessing sights like these.  I do believe they actually saw what they said they saw.  Japan is truly amazing. 

Information network this time around
The information sharing efforts on Twitter or USTREAM, together with the quality of coverage and crucial updates provided by the mass media this time around is incomparable to what we got during the Kobe earthquake.  I am deeply impressed by Japan’s successful efforts and ability to put to practice lessons learnt from past tragedies. 

Touch of art
I saw artists and painters trying to keep things upbeat by painting or drawing beautiful or encouraging drawings for the evacuees around them.  I was touched at how everyone was doing their very best to help.

BBC Reports
The words of BBC’s reports are so moving they make me cry.  They were praising us with words of admiration!  “One of the worst earthquakes in recorded history has hit the world’s most well-prepared, well-trained nations.  The strength of its government and its people are put to the test.  While there have been casualties, in no other country could the government and the people have worked together in such an accurate and coordinated way in the face of such tragedy.  The Japanese people have shown their cultural ability to remain calm in the face of adversity.”

A little story about Papa
We live in an area that was not directly hit.  When my father came downstairs and heard the news saying that our area had begun allocating electricity to the hard-hit areas, he quietly led by example, turning off the power around the house and pulling the plugs out of their sockets.  I was touched.  He usually NEVER turns off the lights or the AC or the TV or anything! 

Japanese people don’t shove
I'm looking at Yurakucho station from above.  I see people standing in line, not pushing or shoving to get onto the Yamanote Line (probably the busiest line in central Tokyo), even at a time like this! 

The bakery lady
There was a small bread shop on the street I take to go to school.  It has long been out of business.  But last night, I saw the old lady of the shop giving people her handmade bread for free.  It was a heart-warming sight.  She, like everyone else, was doing what she could to help people in a time of need.  Tokyo isn’t that bad afterall!

A helping nation! 
Both the government and the people, everyone is helping one another today.  There are truck drivers helping evacuees move.  I even heard that the “yakuza” (gangsters, organized crime groups) are helping to direct traffic in the Tohoku region!  There have been many recent developments that have made me lose my sense of pride in my country, but not anymore.  Japan is an amazing place!  I’m just simply touched.  Go Japan!

Twitter is amazing!
The information shared to us all by the twitter community has been amazingly consistent with each other and has been so helpful.  Thank you Twitterers!  I’m very moved. People recently talk about social networks replacing traditional social life and making people cold and unsociable in real life.  But … I guess that’s not true at all. 


At the supermarket
I just came back safely from the supermarket!  Man, I was so touched at how everyone there was mindful of others, buying only as much as they needed and leaving the rest for the people behind them. 
*(Can Malaysian do this? I seriously doubt it!!)


 Gotenba traffic
Japan is really something!  Yesterday, not a single traffic light was functioning in Gotenba City.  But drivers knew to take turns at intersections and give way to others when needed.  Local people were using flags to direct traffic at intersections.  I drove for 9 hours but never saw a single car trying to get in front of another.  Every single driver on the road contributed to the traffic situation and as a result there was no confusion at all. 

“All of us”
I spoke with an old taxi driver and some elderly staff at the train stations.  All of them had been working non-stop and had not been able to go home for a long time.  They were visibly very tired, but never once did they show any sign of impatience; they were gentle and very caring.  They told me “… because all of us are in this together.”  I was touched at what the notion of “all of us” meant to these elderly people.  It is a value I will treasure and carry on to my generation. 

 A strong Japan
Suntory Beverages has set up free vending machines.  Softbank Telephone services is offering free Wifi spots.  Everyone in Japan is putting everything they can into helping one another.  Japan is also now receiving aid from abroad.  Compared to the Kobe earthquake, when Japan took too long to contemplate accepting foreign aid or dispatching the self-defense force to join the rescue effort, Japan has definitely grown into a far stronger nation.  Be strong, everyone!

Morning Ceremony
At the shopping center I work at, every morning we have a ritual (common in Japan) where we stand and recite, “No matter what the situation, I will never show anxiety before my customer; in all customer-facing situations I will treat my customers with respect and do everything I can to make them feel comfortable and at ease”.  Today, these words were all actually kind of touching.  Well, so the day begins!  Here we go people, open shop!
 

Mr. Inoue
Mr. Inoue has been churning out drawings of smiling and laughing faces at an amazing pace!  Things like this remind me again of what it truly means to give people a message of strength and courage. 


A strong voice
Yesterday, I was impressed and touched by the actions of my neighbor’s 13-year-old-boy.  He was home alone when the earthquake hit.  But instead of hiding, as soon as the earthquake quieted down, he jumped on his bicycle and road around the block repeatedly shouting at the top of his voice, “Is everyone alright?  Is everyone okay?”  At the time, there were only women and children and the elderly in the homes.  I cannot describe how comforting it was just to hear a strong voice asking if I was okay.  Thank you!

The beauty of helping one another
I went out last night to help some friends who were volunteering as security personnel between Machida City and Sagami Ohno City.  I saw total strangers, both young and old, helping each other along everywhere I turned and was heartened with an overwhelming feeling of encouragement.  I was so touched I hid behind the toilets and cried. 

I just have a bike
I’m so touched!  My colleague at my part time job, wanting to help even just one extra person, wrote a sign saying “I just have a bike, but if you don’t mind hop on!”, rode out on his motorbike, picked up a stranded construction worker and took him all the way to Tokorozawa!  Respect!  I have never felt so strongly that I want to do something helpful for others. 

Sharing your ride
It was stupid of me to think I could catch a cab at Urawamien Station.  I ended up walking 30 minutes and then finally was picked up by a stranger who offered to give me a lift.  I’m touched by the warmth of human kindness.  Thank you, thank you!

Rest here!
Last night, I decided, rather than stay at the office, I should try walking home.  So I slowly made my way west on Koshu freeway on foot.  It was around 9PM when I saw an office building that had a sign that said “Please use our office’s bathrooms! Please rest here!”  The employees of the office were loudly shouting out the same to all the people trying to walk home.  I was so touch I felt like crying.  Well, I guess I was too tense yesterday to cry, but now the tension is wearing off and am very much in tears. 

At the convenience store
While most of the convenience stores near the station were closed because of the quake, there was just one Seven Eleven that was open.  The employees had lit lots of candles and put them on the stores shelves.  The cash register was not working and they could not take inventory, so the employees worked in threes, one reading up the item description and price, another punching the numbers into a calculator, and the last one using a flashlight to help them work.  The store managed to operate both “cash registers” efficiently this way.  Impressed!

On the way to the emergency evacuation area
My oldest daughter was making her way to Yokohama’s emergency evacuation area.  Total strangers were helping each other out and showing each other the way to the emergency evacuation area.  She told me she was moved at how strangers, who can seem so cold at times, showed her kindness and care.  I was reminded at the Japanese peoples’ inherent ability to immediately unite in the face of adversity.  Today, I have discovered a newfound faith in my nation and my people. 

A big, kind voice
I’ve been walking for many hours now.  I’m touched at how everywhere I turn, there are shops open with people shouting “Please use our bathroom!” or “Please rest here!” There were also office buildings where people with access to information were voluntarily shouting out helpful tips, like “**** line is now operational!”  Seeing things like this after walking for hours and hours made me feel like weeping with gratitude.  Seriously, there is still hope for this country!

On the platform
The Oedo Subway Line for Hikarigaoka is very congested.  On the platform and at the gate there are just crowds and crowds of people waiting for the train.  But in all the confusion, every last person is neatly lined up waiting his or her turn while managing to keep a passage of space open for staff and people going the other way.  Everyone is listening to the instructions from the staff and everyone acts accordingly.  And amazingly … there isn’t even a rope or anything in sight to keep people in queue or open space for staff to pass, they just do!  I am so impressed at this almost unnatural orderliness!  I have nothing but praise for these people!

Coffee
My husband finally got home very late last night after walking for 4 hours.  He told me he felt like giving up at around Akabane, when an elderly man who was going around handing out free coffee saw him, gave him a steaming cup and said, “You must be tired and cold.  Here, have some coffee!”  My husband told me that it was because of this elderly man that he found the will and strength to continue walking.  I’ve already heard this story from him five times tonight, so no doubt he was really, really touched!  Thank you to my husband’s anonymous helper!

Blood donations
Japan is strong!  At Osaka I saw a LONG line of people waiting to give blood at the blood donation center.  This is the first time I have seen such a queue of selfless people waiting patiently in line just to give.  It was a moving sight!  To everyone in the hard-hit areas, we your countrymen accept your suffering as our own and we share in your grief.  Do not give up!  Stay strong!

Saving electricity for the North
I went to my neighborhood supermarket and was initially surprised that their neon signs were off.  They usually are open till 1AM.  I then found out that they were open, but were saving electricity so that more power could be channeled to the hard-hit coastal areas.  Wow!

Not enough money!
At the store where I work, a huge group of young men suddenly came in to buy booze.  One of them suddenly said, “Oops, I only have enough money to buy booze, I can’t donate!  Forget the booze, maybe next time!” and instead put ALL his money into the disaster relief donation box.  One by one, every single one of the army of youths threw all their money into the box after him.  What a heart-warming sight that was!

Goth youth
A goth youth with white hair and body piercings walked into my store and shoved several hundred dollars (several tens of thousands of yen) into the disaster relief fund donation box.  As he walked out, I and people around me heard him saying to his buddies, “I mean, we can buy those games anytime!”  At that, we all opened our wallets and put our money into the donation box.  Really, you cannot judge people by their appearances. 

They looked absolutely delicious!
I too saw the guy handing out free rice balls and miso soup on the way back from Akihabara.  I was on my bicycle so I told him, “I’m okay, please give it to other people!”  On hindsight, I should have taken one … they looked absolutely delicious!!

Another Disney episode 
Amazing!  My brother just managed to get home from Disneyland right now.  He’s got bags and bags of free sweets.  Furthermore, Disneyland paid for every customer’s travel fare back.  All night long, the staff responded immediately and fully to every request he made.  Disneyland is truly a world class brand!

Same boat! 
Last night, Aobadai station was jammed with stranded people unable to get home.  But there were private cars with drivers shouting “If you’re going in the direction of ****, please hop on!”  I was able to hitch a ride on one of them.  When I thanked the driver, he replied “No worries! We’re all on the same boat. We have to stick together!”

Need to charge your phone?
At the emergency evacuation area, a young first-year intern at my company who had brought her phone’s charger got permission from the facility to use their power socket and went around shouting “Anyone need to charge their phone?  Please use my charger!”  Just a little thing, but I was touched. 

So, can we make the difference? Insha Allah.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

What I learn from 'the correlation of Tohoku Earthquake and PhD process '.

Prelude: For social science researchers, the word correlation plays an important role to ‘statistically’ describe and measure the degree of relationship between two or more variables.

Tohoku Earthquake and Sendai Tsunami
 
Last week, incredibly devastating news on Tohoku earthquake (9.0 magnitude) and tsunami (10m height) were covered in most news network. It's assumed (since the real amount is untold just yet) that this might be the costliest earthquakes and tsunamis ever.

A couple of friends of mine were personally affected, since they are doing their doctorate studies in Tohoku University in Sendai. Alhamdulillah, they were saved by Allah’s perfect plan – meeting up a relative who stopped over in Tokyo from Dubai, which meant, their usual routine of working in the Uni lab for one, and performing Friday prayers for another were distorted. Allah’s plan ensured them to be together during this trying time, and away from the distressed area.

Some of the footage were terrifying  and way beyond disheartening, and I personally think it’s impossible to imagine what it’d be like to be caught up in the tragedy. Na’uzubillahi minzalik.

Nonetheless, I couldn’t stop relating this phenomenon with my own research.

PhD Process 

Got it here
It would be inevitable for anyone to face tough and challenging phases during the process of PhD-ing oneself. The first phase would be feeling restless and lonely, not forgetting, sensing of being totally lost in piles of journals. Then it came to the time(s) of burning the midnight oil - then waking up cranky in the morning. There were times when the layers of patience left the body, and the wicked witch of the west emerged from within and transformed me into the short-tempered melancholic lady (whom I detest).  Then the feelings of 'there's not enough hours in the 24 hours' and 'why didn't I do this earlier' which could sometimes contribute to the stamping of the word GUILT (bold and caps) on the forehead. In short, the process of PhD-ing oneself could be pretty self-shattering.

But Alhamdulillah, I have Allah. Alhamdulillah, I have a supportive and understanding husband. Alhamdulillah, I have great kids who listen to me. Alhamdulillah, I have great parents who support me physically and mentally. Alhamdulillah, I have super friends who showers me with guidance and personally aid me through this lonely and treacherous journey. Alhamdulillah for all the miracles that Allah bestows upon me. 

The correlation of Tohoku Earthquake and PhD process

It is vital to keep things in perspectives.

Should the PhD stress and the aftermath of the earthquake stop ourselves from living our lives to the fullest? NO! Both should help creating better person for the future, that is, after the hurdles have been successfully leaped over.
I don’t mean to say that it isn’t stressful, or that the stress isn’t real. It exists, unfortunately. However, by reading a couple of paragraphs above, there are always little and big things in our lives to be happy and grateful about - i.e. in the case of my friends in Tohoku, Sendai, they still have each other, healthy and alive!

We need to always keep in mind that everything is temporary. There'll be rainbow after the rain, sunshine after a stormy nights. In order to earn the sunshine, we need to work on it, and don't let the stress (and procrastination) succumb you to a deeper ditch. I believe that the Japanese will surely rise and go on with their lives and build a better Nippon; and they have proven it after the Kobe Earthquake in 1995. If they can overcome a horrific situation, we sure can, too! Let's 'earn the sunshine'!



Interlude: 
Let's pray for the victims of Tohoku Earthquake and tsunami in Japan. 
Let's pray that from this tragedy, they learn to find truth and peace in Allah. 
Let's pray that we are always grateful to Allah. 
Let's pray that He always grants us positive yet critical perspectives in life.
Let's pray that we will always appreciate good and bad experiences in our lives, 
even if sometimes it takes some effort to see them. 

Wallahu'alam.


Thursday, March 10, 2011

What I learn from 'Alwani's PHD laundry effort'.

Most of the mornings, I would hang the clothes on the drying line. Each line is allocated for each person, the front bit is Alwani's, the second is Yusuf's and third is AF's. I hang them according to the shelving areas. My husband's clothes are usually hanged using hangers, and the same as mine. Mak taught me this since she knows that we are not planning to get a helper and she said it's easier for us to organise our lives with small kids. And I must admit, it works very well in my household.

Usually, I fold the clothes at the drying line so that it would not crumple as much, and I would go into the house with a stack of folded clothes, while the rest of other clothes will be hanged in the 'holding area' before they are to be ironed and worn. Then, the stack would be dissembled according to the proper shelves.

However, for the past few days, it has been pouring heavily outside. I didn't manage to fold and keep them like the usual manner. My laundry was PHD (piled higher and deeper, literally!) since the rain poured more than a couple of days!

And then, a princess came to the rescue. While waiting for me to get ready to send her to kindy, Alwani took one garment after another and folded them (in her own 'princess-y' way). And believe or not, she completed 3/4 of the pile! My husband and I were amazed! And to my surprise, she actually classified those garments... 'I want to do it just like Ummi. This is mine, that's Yusuf's and the other one is Abang's!'

This is the end product, she piled 'baju kanak-kanak' (children's clothings) and 'baju besar susah lipat' (big clothings which are hard to fold) into two stacks.


L-R: 'Baju kanak-kanak', 'Baju besar susah lipat'.  
Though her folding skills must be polished, she has grasped the idea of neatness and cleanliness at such a young age, Masha Allah. She's 3 years and 11 months old, that PHD helper of mine!
 
  • Does that folding techniques passed my QC? Not really.
  • Did I refold the clothings? No! That would mean I, as her mother, thrashing her efforts.
  • So, am I happy with the outcome? Yes, because Alwani did it her way, her special thoughtful way.
 
A young child learns by absorbing what she hears and sees people's (re)actions around her. If she knows that I refolded her stacks, surely she would not be interested in helping me the next time. Alwani learns by doing; from the interaction of her own thinking and her experiences in the external world.
 
Thus as parents, we should strive to prepare the environment so that it provides stimulating, challenging materials and activities for children - even daily chores can be stimulating and interesting if we want them to be! 
 
Thank you, Princess Alwani! You have helped me proven that Piaget's theory is spot on!
  
Ummi's PHD helper.

Monday, March 7, 2011

What I learn from 'Al Fateh's Maulidur Rasul (The birth of the Prophet) celebration'.

As I was picking up Al Fateh from school yesterday, he told me that he was excited for tomorrow. I knew earlier from the teacher that he was to wear full baju Melayu - the Malay traditional costume, to school as the pre-school classes are going to celebrate Maulidur Rasul. I asked him casually, 'Are you looking forward to wear your baju Melayu?' 'No, I want to answer all questions for the class quiz!'

I must admit that I was impressed and proud of him.

'But you need to help me revise, Ummi. The quiz will be about the Prophet!' 
And with that statement, I was positive that I, myself, needed to do more revision! I realised that this would be a challenge to make the history of the Prophet meaningful to my son, who's going to be 6 in July. Yes, to make my son learn about the Prophet, get to know more about him, teach Al Fateh to love him and ultimately to live following his sunnah.

Among the lessons learned from our 2 minutes walk from the pre-school to the car park are, firstly, as a mother, I need to be knowledgeable so that I can teach my children the precise facts in regards to whatever topics they are learning at school, and in this case, it is about my Prophet. 

Secondly, it is important for the children to learn in a simple, yet effective and meaningful way (well, theoretically, not just the children, but anyone in the world!). It does sound simple, but believe me, it's not! Story telling and songs, and relating the simple lessons of the Prophet (i.e. always telling the truth and being called Al-Amin) with his day to day life (i.e. The Prophet spoke only the truth, and everyone trusted him. Hence when we lie, we can lose people's trust.).

Thirdly, it is essential for parents to take part in whatever learning process/subject/matter that our children are facing at school, so that there will be continuation at home, which, insha Allah will ensure better and clearer understanding. My son did ask a lot of questions to me as I told him about the early years of Rasulullah, and it showed that he's thinking deeper regarding this matter, since he repeatedly hear (then understand, hopefully) about the story of Prophet, both at school and at home.

wallahu'alam.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

What I learn from 'MISSION IMPOSSIBLE III: the Taaruf session'.

I hardly slept the night before the taaruf day. Though I felt that this particular way of getting to know someone, was over and above peculiar (it's the 21st century for Heaven's sake), but I believed that the decision I made was correct. 

(Have you read 1st and 2nd MISSION IMPOSSIBLE episode?) 

This meeting has an obvious objective. A crucial decision must be made afterwards. Could this man be my compatible partner FOR LIFE?

Looking at the question list for the hundredth of times, frankly, I was doubtful whether this set of questions could help me in reaching my objective. 

And the morning came, together with more butterflies in my tummy! 

Thus, I got ready and today, the Lothian Bus (no 30) was like waiting for me faithfully at the Nicholson Street bus stop. It never did for the past 4 years! Was it a sign? Am I over-analysing? Go away butterflies!!!

With the list in hand, I went to Kak Anis' place alongside the entire species of butterflies in my tummy. But when I thought about Kak Anis and Ustaz Azman, I got a bit calm. I knew both of them well, together with their 3 young children (which has grown to 8, now!). I've enjoyed several trips with them, I took care of their kids when they went for Hajj, I went to their place uncountable times - the bottom line was, I was comfortable with the couple and I was always being myself around them. I believed that choosing a good and intelligent intermediary was essential to make the situation a less-awkward, and not uncomfortable.

As I entered the house, I saw a huge pair of shoes (quick mental note, size 10, Timberland, mmm... nice choice. Haha!) Anyway, Kak Anis invited me inside and offered me some OJ in the kitchen. Then, Ustaz Azman called us in. And 'taraaa!!', I saw him. But the butterflies didn't leave, they multiplied!
Ustaz Azman, smiling in between sipping his hot tea, started the taaruf session by introducing both of us to one another. He then pointed to the other man in the room, living the ball on his court. 'So, akh, why are we here?'

The answer was simple yet very meaningful, 'Nothing builds a home better than faith and trust. Faith in Allah on one hand, and trust to one's partner on the other. And I'm seeking for the trust.'

And so, the ball bounced onto both courts, mine and his during the taaruf. The list was extremely helpful, even there were only seven questions, but they revealed a lot about a man (and a woman, too, I reckoned). A whole lot! The session took more than 2 hours and I must admit that it was very interesting, lively and informative.

Kak Anis then told us that we should share the information with our parents and discuss well with them. If possible, she advised us to seek more information (as discretely as possible) from close friends and relatives BUT no information given and taken from the room, should be discussed outside. This would ensure no violation of privacy to others who were not related.

She then told both of us to repeatedly make alot of du'as, request from Allah through the application of istikharah prayers. Seek His help in  making a HUGE decision of your life. Then she looked at me, "In two weeks, I'll call you and ask if you have made your decision.'

I learn a few things during this taaruf process.
  • WHEN: When both suitors are ready for another chapter in their lives; not being forced or provoked, it must be a willing decision from both parties
  • WHAT: Come to the meeting prepared, i.e. dress appropriately, questions ready.
  • WHO: It should be 'chaperon-ed' meeting. The chaperons must have good faith and that you're comfortable with. And don't forget to BE YOURSELF all the time.
  • WHERE: First impression lasts very long. If two suitors meet at a club, it will always tell on the relationship. So, the best place to get to know one another is at Muslim homes, where much detail conversation can be discussed. 
To be continued...(I've got two weeks!)

Wallahu'alam.


'Bliss of love after marriage'  (photo from here).



Wednesday, December 1, 2010

What I learn from 'MISSION IMPOSSIBLE II: How do I know that he's Mr Right(eous)?'.

I was away from my parents, geographically, ever since I left home to further my studies abroad. Nonetheless, Allah has been super kind to me by introducing good friends who acts like 'positive' magnets, pulling me from doing shameful and harmful things to my imaan. One of them is Kak Anis (beautiful wife of Ustaz Azman).

One chilly morning, as I briskly walked from Moray House with Greggs cheese and onion pasties in one hand to the mosque (a wee bit late for work!), I received a call from kak Anis. Very politely and with well constructed sentences (as she usually spoke) she asked about my well beings, then informed straight to the point that there was an akh (brother in Islam) who was interested to get to know me better.

The forgotten cheese and onion pasties from Greggs in my hand.
An akh? Seriously?

'He met Ustaz and told him his intentions and hoped that Ustaz and Kak Anis can be the 'middlemen''.
'He said that since your parents are far, he wanted a proper channel to get to know you,' enlightened kak Anis.

What channel? Am I going to star a Blind Date show @ BBC?
 
However, Kak Anis was quick to assure me (since I must admit I was silently shocked since my mouth was zipped shut, which was peculiarly rare!) to do major thinking, to ask myself and Allah whether I was prepared for a relationship leading to marriage. Request from Allah through the application of istikharah prayers. Ask my parents. Talk to them. Make lots of du'a.

And I did all of them.

Among all of the things above, Abah's words of wisdom were the statement which cleared my doubts. I still could recall his short, precise advise to me;

'Only clean courtship leads to fruitful and successful marriage. If one wants to keep the courtship morally clean and escape immoral pursuits, then he's clearly a gentleman who has self-control, because he places this holy affairs in the care of Allah.'

Abah then added, 'Marriage is a lifetime journey and needs a lot of planning. So, you need to ask him his plans in life, what can he offer...'

Among millions of conversations that I had with Abah, I must point out that this particular phone call acted as a 'mechanism' which drew us closer. I am grateful to Him that I am one of the few whom He chooses to have super good relationships with my Abah and Mak. I must admit that before those days, it was difficult to talk and discuss with Abah since I must say that he always over-analyse matters, which sometimes made me feel uncomfortable, but now I realised, you know what, I needed someone to think critically for me, when I couldn't do it on my own (just yet. Hello, I was being a typical carefree lassie living abroad, away from my family! And having the time of my life, too!). Alhamdulillah for Abah and Mak. 

All three of us created 'the list' of open-ended questions that needed frank and straightforward answers. Those answers were personal, but essential for us to know the 'akh'. 

So, a date and time were set for a 'taaruf' session between the two of us, with the wonderful couple, Kak Anis and Ustaz Azman at Glendalough Crescent, Edinburgh. 

Though I must admit, it was still a super weird thing for me to do, but I always remember Allah's promise that prosperity and barakah wait anyone who follows the commendments of Allah and the example of Rasulullah. I prayed that this, out of the norm, way of getting to know Mr. Right(eous) would mould me to be a better muslimah, whatever the outcome would be.

For now, I'd just pray.

Monday, November 22, 2010

What I learn from 'MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: The process of looking for Mr Right(eous)'.

At 22 years of age, the question of marriage began to arise in front of my eyes. Seeing my friends having boyfriends, getting engaged and I even attended and took part in the preparation of some of my friends weddings in the UK (Jannah & Nurman's, Neri & Jas', Sameena & Hubby's), it made the question of marriage, or at least, finding someone to get married to got bigger and bigger.

Frankly, I was clueless and had scarce experience with man, with the exception of my dad and three elder brothers. I grew up in all girls school nearly my whole life - Convent Seremban and Tunku Kurshiah College, then venturing in a nearly all-ladies TESOL course in Edinburgh University. I was seriously skeptical whether I could find Mr Right at all.

Nonetheless, I always have strong faith in Mak's advice to me, ever since I 'began to blossom'. Mak always reminded me to train and improve myself to become a good, pure and honest lady, and insha Allah in return, Allah would grant me a good, pure and honest man.

It turns out that Mak is parting her wisdom based on Allah's unambiguous advise;

'Women of impure are for men of impure, and men of impure are for women of empure; 
and women of purity are for men of purity and men of purity are for women of purity'
(Q24:26)

With my extraordinary wise Mak, Zawiah bt Budin.

Mak also reminded me a few times to find someone compatible before coming back to Malaysia for good. She said that from her observations of the community, it was difficult for ladies to find a compatible partner (and when she says compatible, it means, Muslim, God fearing, single, matured, suitable mental and physical well-being, pleasant; to name a few). For her, finding a husband who has the same academic background, which was studying abroad, would be important for me since both of us had shared the common, or similar experiences, and the man would not feel intimidated of me.

Phew, this was a HUGE assignment! I had a year to complete it... and for me, it seemed to be like an episode of Mission Impossible, with Tom Cruise as the lead actor. (Emmm, having Tom Cruise look alike as a husband would be nice, eh?)

But how Mak? Would there be a secret recipe to find Mr Right? Or would there be a copy of Finding a Husband: Book for Dummies, in the library? 

Mak wisely replied, 'You'll know it, and you'll just do it..' 

Huhhh?!!!

'The first thing that needs to be done is self-improvement. Remember Allah's promise, 'women of purity are for men of purity and men of purity are for women of purity,'' Mak repeated herself. 

And I soon discovered that at that age, when I was still single, I could do lots of things to improve myself, in order for me to 'design' myself as a better muslimah of good strong spiritual uprightness. And that was the first step of the process of looking for Mr Right. Not looking out, but looking into myself.

I have a strong believe that nothing builds a home better than faith and trust. Faith in Allah on one hand, and trust to the partner on the other. My submission is plainly based on Allah's promise in verse 26 of Surah AnNuur.

'Women of impure are for men of impure, and men of impure are for women of empure; 
and women of purity are for men of purity and men of purity are for women of purity'
(Q24:26)
Wallahu'alam.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

What I learn from 'PhD illness'.

When I read, read, read and read journal articles, it came to a point when I asked myself, what am I reading? Why am I reviewing? When should I stop? And when these questions started popping out in your mind, I knew that I'm starting to loose focus, I'm starting to loose interest.

Then, I would find 'other' more interesting stuff, which range from facebooking, ebay/online/window/virtual/pasar payang shopping, playing games, scrapbooking, no-objective-online-browsing, HBO, TLC, Diva Universal, and even shifting my concentration and energy in a  sudden interest in cooking and new recipes.

Surely, at the end of the day, I'd suffer the 'non-guilt-free sleep' syndrome. Yikes!!

Cure needed!
I needed to find a cure. So, I arranged for a special appointment with my SV and told him about my disease, well he's a Dr afterall! To my amazement, he said that this is a common illness for full time PhD students.

And so, we came to an agreement that I needed (and still need) to keep focus by not reading off track. Off track in this context can mean too much, or too little reading. So, he told me to start compiling my reviews in an article format. This means, I have to limit my review on a sub-topic only up to 15-18 pages, including the reference. 15 page?! Gosh.. that's alot!

But then, I think my SV read my mind (and wrinkled face), and he said, 'Hello Azza, your first few parts will be your abstract and your intro, which will be your background of studies. You've got them already from your proposal! Just reshape your reviews and put them into a theoretical review! Please bring it to my table in a week.'

A week?!! Biar benar?!

Puzzle pieces.
I thought it'll be hard, but hey, I was wrong! Remember in the third lesson from the previous entry that I told you all the 'wrong' reviews will build up to be the 'right' one? This was the 'a-ha' moment for me, putting all the tiny jigsaw pieces into the right places in the research puzzle.


During my next appointment, I bravely showed my SV my first draft on my first ever attempt in writing an article. He nodded, then he shook his head, and some more nods.

The verdict.
He told me that it was a 'marketable' article (being an editor of an international journal himself, I have to admit I was very pleased) BUT I needed to refine my academic writing style and flow of writing. And so, he gave me a private tutoring on how to create a good journal. Then, he sent me back to my work station and asked me to meet him again after lunch, where he wanted to read my second draft.

In less then 3 hours, I managed to produce a second draft, yes, I was shocked I could manage to do that in a short amount of time (but I think I managed well because I did not change my window browser at all during that time!).

The issue of co-write or solo author.
During the second meeting in regards of my first ever journal article, my SV asked me frankly whether I wanted to co-write with him or publish this article on my own. I gave him a truthful answer, which I have thought about during the AirAsia flight from KT-KL earlier in the morning, that I wanted to co-write with him.

Why?
  1. Surely my SV has more publications=experiences in writing journal articles. When he agrees to co-write, it means that he can help me reword and edit my amateur version.
  2. His name could ring a bell to another international journal editor, so it'll be easier for the article to be accepted (I think).
  3. It'll be a win-win situation for both of us. Not only my SV will be credited for another journal article, but I also have a publication, too! 
  4. Furthermore, the article would be edited and refined by both my SV and the editor of the journal, hence, I could easily cut and paste it without doubt into my thesis! Cool eh?! Super cool!
I think these are more than enough reasons to co-write.


And so, both of us had corrected and refined the article until the 6th draft before I boldly sent it to an international journal editor! And it was accepted with 2 more corrections!! Alhamdulillah!

And now, I have submitted another article in an international journal, but there is no reply just yet, and working on my third one. The reason I want to write on this was not to boast, astaghfirullah, but to share that there is a cure out there for the PhD illnesses!

You'll enjoy doing something when you have a reward instore for you. It's a basic Affective theory in education. It's a basic theory of life.

'Many learners want to succeed. They are capable of suceeding: 
they are simply lack the belief (and effort) to do so." Jensen, The Learning Brain (1994)

Wallahu'alam.



 






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