What I learn from 'hubster's Pinarello'

Last February, my husband announced discretely that he's planning to buy a new toy. Knowing his half (hidden) smile and 'I'm-not-going-to-show-that-I'm-excited' look, I knew that it's going to be his dream Pinarello that he's been talking about for ages - even when we were in Australia!

Alwani and Yusuf with Abi's new toy.

He has been discussing this with me and sharing his thoughts throughout this process - thinking out-loud and hoping for some other 'logical explanations' to support his purchase. It covered a range of topics to consider - the budget (hey, it's the same price of 2005 Kelisa!), the optimisation of the usage (at least 3 times weekly), the practicality (oversea purchase), the cycling schedule (to fit our family timetable) and many other related matters in regards to this rare purchase. 

One of the most important thing that I learned from the process is to be an attentive listener. If we can patiently listen to others, they will appreciate our concern and attention (especially if the one who talks is your husband). Listening to others shows that we are interested in them as a person. and what they are talking about. When we talk we try to influence others, when we listen we appreciate others; it is important to get the right balance. To me, in this specific scenario, I learned to talk less, and listen more.

Another important trait that I learned was to hinder negative thoughts. Our mind gets drawn to the negativity of a judgment (i.e. why doesn't he buy a gold bracelet for me using that money rather than the light Pinarello frameset? At least gold is sunnah!), and criticising the judgment selfishly. However, I learned that to be non-judgemental and accepting of others (and their opinions) are very powerful traits to develop. Gaining control of your own thought is essential to keep a healthy relationship. Stay positive. (Hey, avid cyclists' wives out there! The bike is used for recreational and health activities, not for self-destruction or seduction ;p!!)

Respecting others' interests is crucial. Pinarello is not even close to be enlisted in my 'wish list', and a nice collection of intricate 'bling-blings' is soo not in his! Thus, learning to learn one's likes and dislikes is important - and to respect and not hamper one's fascination on something is an art that's important to be mastered as a couple. 

Last but not least, share his joy. It's priceless.

Yusuf was the second official rider!

A part of the bike.

Another part of the bike.

The whole bike.. (sorry for the lack of cycling knowledge!)

Concentration, fascination, satisfaction.

What I learn from 'Parents Mag'.

Your child's rude 'tude isn't always intentional. Sometimes kids just don't realize it's impolite to interrupt, pick their nose, or loudly observe that the lady walking in front of them has a large behind. And in the hustle and bustle of daily life, busy moms and dads don't always have the time to focus on etiquette. But if you reinforce these 25 must-do manners, you'll raise a polite, kind, well-liked child, insha Allah.

Manner #1
When asking for something, say "Please."

Manner #2
When receiving something, say "Thank you."

And keep on smiling, Yusuf, though the hostess forgot to give you one!

Manner #3

Do not interrupt grown-ups who are speaking with each other unless there is an emergency. They will notice you and respond when they are finished talking.

Manner #4

If you do need to get somebody's attention right away, the phrase "excuse me" is the most polite way for you to enter the conversation.

Manner #5

When you have any doubt about doing something, ask permission first. It can save you from many hours of grief later.

Manner #6
The world is not interested in what you dislike. Keep negative opinions to yourself, or between you and your friends, and out of earshot of adults.


Manner #7
Do not comment on other people's physical characteristics unless, of course, it's to compliment them, which is always welcome.


Manner #8
When people ask you how you are, answer them and then ask them how they are.


Manner #9
When you have spent time at your friend's house, remember to thank his or her parents for having you over and for the good time you had.


Manner #10
Knock on closed doors -- and wait to see if there's a response -- before entering.


Manner #11
When you make a phone call, introduce yourself first and then ask if you can speak with the person you are calling.


Manner #12
Be appreciative and say "thank you" for any gift you receive. In the age of e-mail, a handwritten thank-you note can have a powerful effect.


Related: Thank you notes and more


Manner #13
Never use foul language. Nobody finds them funny.



Manner #14
Don't call people mean names. Do you like people to call you other names than yours?


Manner #15
Do not make fun of anyone for any reason. Teasing shows others you are weak, and ganging up on someone else is cruel.


Manner #16
Even if a play or an assembly is boring, sit through it quietly and pretend that you are interested. The performers and presenters are doing their best.

And try to avoid obvious yawns! Cover your mouth, Yusuf!

Manner #17
If you bump into somebody, immediately say "Excuse me."


Manner #18
Cover your mouth when you cough or sneeze, and don't pick your nose in public.


Manner #19
As you walk through a door, look to see if you can hold it open for someone else.


Manner #20
If you come across a parent, a teacher, or a neighbor working on something, ask if you can help. If they say "yes," do so -- you may learn something new.


Manner #21
When an adult asks you for a favor, do it without grumbling and with a smile.

Smile, though it's actually a smile of refusal to do something!

Manner #22
When someone helps you, say "thank you." That person will likely want to help you again. This is especially true with teachers!


Manner #23
Use eating utensils properly. If you are unsure how to do so, ask your parents to teach you or watch what adults do.

Related: 13 Basic Table Manners for kids.

And yes, do recite your du'as before and after meal.

Manner #24
Keep a napkin (or a Kleenex) on your lap; use it to wipe your mouth when necessary.

This particular boy, we're still working on his eating habits...

Manner #25
Don't reach for things at the table; ask politely to have them passed.

Originally published in the March 2011 issue of Parents magazine.

What I learn from 'my veggie patch'.

I started my small veggie patch late last year when I felt the need to divert my attention from my research. Yes, that's how bad it was. Using the hoe as my weapon to break the hard brown soil, I felt a sense of relieve. I felt good. 

From planting the basic lemon grass and pandan plants, I advanced to veggies and everyday herbs. And today, after sowing the seeds of my kangkung in mid March, I ate my own grown veggie for the first time (in Terengganu) (and this also excludes eating taugeh, which was the experiments of Al Fateh and Alwani)!

My skinny kangkung.

Looking at the photos captured, I praise to Allah for His power to make things grow.

I learn that the kids enjoyed looking at the different phases of the growth. My wee veggie patch allows me to introduce to the kids the idea of caring of our surroundings, how to treat plants. Even Yusuf loves to take part by practically standing by the hose to 'book' his turn to water the plants. Alhamdulillah for this opportunity.

And of course, the best part is.....
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eating them!

Delish in hubster's Yong-Tau-Foo dish.

What I learn from 'the calls'.

Have you experienced calling someone and their answer is 'Hold on, sec!' ('Kejap ya!')

How would you feel? 

 

Do you feel what I feel?

I get easily annoyed when I called the bigger children and received answers such as either of the above. What is more important than attending to my call? I'm the Ummi for heaven's sake!

And then, it triggered (while chopping some veggies, with a super sharp knife in my right hand). Why should they answer my calls quickly when I, myself didn't answer Allah's calls of prayers on the dot? He's the CREATOR for heaven's sake!

Do I answer the call for prayers promptly? Photo credit.

Hence, I learned that if I want my children to answer me promptly, I need to answer His calls promptly, too.  May He gives me strengths in doing so, and the same to my husband and children, too. Aamin.

Alwani gets ready for jamaah prayers. She still recites (very) loudly all verses during prayers.

What I learn from 'Playgroup chit chat - Sawmia's Vadey'

When Al Fateh was two and Alwani was a newborn, we frequent the playgroup in our area. It's held once a week where moms and dads brought their child(ren) to meet others at the same age. It's a get-together time for the moms, too. Most of the time, we brought a plate of food to share. Sawmia, originated from India but has been staying in Perth for ages, always brought vegetarian food. One of them was my favourite, Vadey!!

This is Sawmia's version, simply yet super tasty!

Baked version.

Sawmia's Vadey

1. Yellow split peas - soaked
• 3 portions blend to paste
• a portion as it is.
2. Curry leaves
3. Chopped onions
4. Chillies, both powder and coarse
5. Salt to taste.

Mix them all. Shape them into balls - flatten them.

Deep fry until golden.

Serve hot.

Easy peasy lemon squeezy eh? I always make them in a big batch. I don't fry them all, but bake most of them, cool them, and place them in small packets. Then deep freeze them. I only take a packet at a time for tea time. Clever eh? heheh.. Mak's technique.

Frozen vadeys ready to be baked/fried.

Bon Appétit!

 AF AW playgroup

What I learn from 'Alwani's 4th'

Happy Birthday my Princess Alwani. May you grow up to be a strong and steadfast muslimah, like Sumayyah Bint Khabbab; shielded with courage like Umayyah binti Qais al-Ghiffaria, who provided the medical assistance during the Battle of Khaybar. Aamin.

Abi and Ummi love you. And your brothers do, too, though sometimes they act like they don't, but boys will be boys ;D

Here are some snapshots of her handmade goody bag gifts and some scenes at school. These simple yet pretty personalised items were easy to make and fun to do, especially when the kids got involved in creating them (i.e. tearing the original label, cutting the new label into small pieces, sticky dot them). Alwani (and I) love the end product. Credit to Aisyah who helped in this process.

Crispy chocolate bar

Goody bag for school

Mini mentos

Ang-pow from Nenek

She wanted a white, pink and princessy cake. So there you go!

 

 

Attacking the cake till the base @ Wadi Ez-Zahra. Delish!

 

What I learn from 'my 1st year PhD journey'.

As I reached the first birthday of my unborn PhD thesis, I was asked to submit a Confirmation of Status (CoS) report. It's the prime time for me to show (off) to my supervisors and other members of the faculty what I have been doing and try hard to cover the things that I haven't done (but to no avail). 

Writing a report of a minimum of 10K words was among the biggest hurdle. But, alhamdulillah, my supervisor advised me to chillax and take it easy and kindly gave me a tip, which was to write the report according to the structure of the thesis, and he asked me to produce one in 2 hours time (so much of the chillax moment!).

And so, this was what I came out with.. my CoS skeleton.

 

My supervisor accepted my CoS Skeleton Proposal and I was asked to 'beef-it-up' in 4 weeks.

Having this skeleton did help me to focus on my 10k journey of CoS. The lovely thing about having this skeleton was, I could start on whichever point I wanted. Meaning, I could beef up the 3.7s though my 2.3 was still boney (to be honest, the literature review haunts me till now!!).

Hence, I learn that I need skeletons in my PhD life for clear and distinct directions. Thanks to my supervisor for introducing this concept. Now I know that I'm one of the Vygotsky-ans.

Oh by the way, my uni only wanted me to produce up to the (3.7) Research Procedure bit. Yours might be different, but at least, if you're just starting your PhD journey, you could have the fast-forward ticket by doing this from the very beginning! You'll be the model student for your professor, I bet!

All the best to us! May Allah eases our journey to gain beneficial knowledge and excellence, aamin.

What I learn from 'Hamza Yusuf's artistic talent - unleashed!'

My husband came back from his work, emptied his pocket onto the top of the dresser. It consisted of the usual items for a lecturer, which include multi coloured marker pens. Afterwards, our usual routine is to perform the Asr prayers together before having our tea.

While performing the prayers, I heard an 'unidentifiable child' (since I was praying) dragging a stool to the master bedroom and a few moments later, I could smell a very distinct smell of the ink from marker pen.. (so much of khusyu' asr prayers that day! Astaghfirullah!)

And this was the masterpiece.

I've never thought Yusuf, at the wee age of two, was talented not just in graffiti art, but also in problem solving activities. He managed to observe Abi's behaviour (with the sole interest in the marker pen), drag the stool from the kitchen sink to the master bedroom, climbed, tiptoed and secure his precious goal - the glorified marker pen! He must have been interested in it for a long time, for Yusuf was banned to even hold it since an earlier incident, which caused Alwani's cheeks and feet were stained for nearly 4 days.

And we were right to ban him.

Proudly admitting 'Yusuf conteng..' (I doodled this.)

Warning was due. We believe that a child should be told that he/she did a wrong thing, however young they are. It is important to start early because the child might thought what his/her actions were purely normal and acceptable. He/She would be shocked (not forgetting, would rebel in return) when he/she was told off in another year or two. In his mind, he might think, 'why can't I do it now when I've been doing this for the past 5 years!?' Hence, it is important to start disciplining our child as early as possible.

 I don't know how to rotate videos. Sorry for the head spin! This footage was taken in Malay Language.

Obviously, Yusuf still finds it hard to say sorry and making eye contact at the same time. We are still working on it. I realised that when my kids apologised without making eye contact, the tendency to make the same mistake all over again is highly promising.

On the same note, I believe that it is highly essential for both parents to be on the same page on the discipline routine. The discipline regime won't work when the mom is exercising it and the father 'rescues' the child. Children are intelligent creatures, and do not underestimate them.

And so, Hamza Yusuf's punishment was to help me clean up his own mess. He tried (in an extremely short time), and then proclaimed, 'Penat. Nak milk, please' (I'm exhausted. Can I have milk, please). And I told him straight to his face, with a wicked smile, 'I'm a bit busy, you can play outside first', and believe it or not, he dashed out to play with his trike, without demanding his rights to have milk! Told you that the wee Nessie can be very bright and sharp, even when he's only two!

So, accompanied with the faithful WD40 (the essential ointment for my hubster's Pinarello wheel), I sprayed and scrubbed with the dish scrub and after half an hour of my right hand work-out, voilà!!

 

Not as good as new, but at least our rented wall was clear(ish) from Yusuf's unwelcomed artwork.

Another practice I learned (and perhaps, try to practise) from renting a house in Australia was to return something you borrowed in as perfect condition as possible. The issue of being responsible (amanah) should be put into practice, especially when you're using another's house for shelter and safety. Embedding the feeling of respect to our landlord's property should be applied not only within ourselves, but also within our children.

Yusuf knew what he did was wrong. He even confessed to our landlady (who actually lived next door to us) and said sorry! Now, how can you actually be cross with the sweet wee Nessie?

What I learn from 'Machik Norziah aka Mak Shafis - Mee Rebus Johor'

I learned this recipe when I stayed in Dealy Close, Cannington, when the purple-skinned-white-flesh kumara were in abundance. At that time Shafis' mom worked her magic in the kitchen. I missed those 'hu-ha' carefree moments.

This is my reproduction of Macik Norziah's Mee Rebus. Made the meal for two main reasons:

1. The orange-flesh kumara was super cheap in Mydin last week. 

2. Mr Hubs randomly talked about Mak Shafis' mee rebus (what a huge hint!!)

Ingredients for:

Gravy

A1. heaps of onions, 1 inch ginger, garlic, chilli powder

A2. 2 sticks of lemon grass, Babas fish curry powder

A3. 3 tbs dried shrimps

B1. Kumara of any type  - peel, wash, dice, boil, blend

Blend A1, A2 and A3. Stir fry in a big pot with appropriate amount of oil.

If you have shrimp stock, chuck it in the pot, if not, water will do. 

When all are nicely boiled, pour in the blended kumara. Add sugar, if needed. 

Condiments

Deep fried tofu - diced.

Mustard green aka sawi - chopped as you like.

Bean sprouts - blanched super quickly.

Eggs - boiled and halved.

Green chilles - thinly sliced.

Fried shallots.

Spaghetti/Yellow noodle/Mee gemuk (in Alwani's language)

Keropok (which I didn't do since lacking of ingredients during this attempt)

Rice flour

Finely chopped garlic

Chicken cube

Water

Mixed them all till very thin. Deep fry. 

Spread thinly at the sides of the frying pan.

Thanks Machik Norziah!

What I learn from being 'a new Ummi, thrice.'

Mak carrying Al Fateh, Monika (R) and the registered midwife (L)

When I was in Perth, the first time mothers were encouraged to attend First-Time Mom Groups, which were held weekly, starting from the first week till the 10th. It was FOC and was supervised by registered midwives. It was fun and helpful, and most importantly, you feel that you have supports from others in the same boat! Some of these tips were gathered from them and from personal 'findings', too. Hopefully they're helpful! 

Tips for new moms out there. 

• DO NOT stress about what you do not know about caring for a newborn. It takes time and every baby is different.
• Make sure you take time out for yourself. You need to take care of yourself, too!
• Accept offers from others to help.
• Breastfeeding can be frustrating at first, but it is well worth it. Invest in a good pump if you can afford it. I personally used Medela PISA from my first born till now (my Medela is celebrating its 6^th birthday soon!)
• When you're nursing - drink, drink, drink. If you notice frequent headaches, you could be dehydrated and in need of more fluid. Good rule of thumb: each time you sit down to a feeding, grab a glass of water.
• Right from the start, let Dad do as much as possible. Avoid the tendency to feel that you are the only one who can look after your child (though it might not be up to your 'standard' but at least you can have some time off!). Aside from breastfeeding, there is nothing that he can't do. Mothers need to give fathers the confidence that they can contribute as much as Mom.
• Sleep in while your husband or a relative watches the baby. If you're breastfeeding, have a bottle (with your milk in it) on hand so you can sleep in. So now, even your husband can feed the baby!
• Calm parents = calm baby
• Starting at birth, talk to you child as if he/she understands everything you say. Don't be afraid to use big or complicated words.
• Keep worry to a minimum. Children go through so many different stages throughout their lives that you will drive yourself crazy over worry. Go with the flow, do what feels right. Stop fussing too much!
• Have patience. Adjusting to the sounds of a screaming baby can be a nerve racking experience. Don’t stress yourself out if your baby doesn’t calm him/herself instantly. It's natural!
• Don't keep the house too quiet when the little one is sleeping. Most new babies sleep just as well in a nosier environment -- and then they don't get used to needing absolute silence!
• Try to teach your baby to get himself to sleep by putting him down awake. When you know your baby is tired, have him fall asleep in his crib without you holding, patting, or rocking him. Al Fateh and Alwani are the living example (but not Yusuf!).
• You and your husband need to make decisions based on what is best for your baby. Don't let other people make you feel bad because you decide to raise your child your way.
• Get your baby on a regular schedule – mine was EAT-PLAY-SLEEP, midwives in Perth taught me this.
• Update your baby book(s) and photo albums on a regular basis. If you put them aside for a few months, trying to catch up can be overwhelming.
• Talk to your baby. It may seem silly talking to your baby at first, but it is how your baby develops speech!
• Use your baby’s name in conversation.  
• As early as you can, read to your child. Read colourful books out loud during breastfeeding and play times.
•  Recite surahs from Al Quran and sing lullabies to your child in the form of zikir. Fantastic tune which soothes the bubb (and you’ll be rewarded by Him in return!) One of the examples is Zain Bhika’s Hush Little Baby.
• Learn and practise your nursery rhymes collections! It has loads of vocabs!      
• Teach your baby independence by teaching him/her to be alone, and most likely he/she will be happy. This will help as the baby gets older to learn how to entertain him/herself for small amount of time.           
• Don't buy too many small clothes--buy big and let your baby grow into them.
• You don't have to buy everything brand new. You child doesn't know the difference. Just as long as you show them you love them, they don't care what they wear. They’ll outgrow them ever so quickly, too!
• Jamu (traditional herbs) can be disastrous - constipation for both moms and baby, less milk production - so use cautiously. 

 And last but not least,

• You will get lots of advice from everyone on how to raise your child. Everyone will share their opinions with you.The best advice is to ignore most of these people and follow your own instincts!